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How an Affair Saved My Marriage
In an unexpected twist, an affair brings a marriage back to life.
by Anonymous
It began as a typical Saturday night, out with my closest women friends. But on that particular evening, as we sat, laughing and talking in a popular New York restaurant, acquaintances were seated nearby celebrating their friend Alex’s* birthday.
They invited us to join their table for a toast, which turned into several. When the house music came on and everyone headed for the bar, Alex— handsome and playful—took my hand and led me to the dance floor.
In the time it took for his fingers to encircle mine, what had been a quiet attraction became an all-consuming need. I heard the warning voice in my head reminding me that this was dangerous territory: however alone I might feel, I was, in fact, married.
And then, for the first time in 10 years, I silenced it. As Alex placed his hands on my hips, I knew with absolute clarity that I was about to have an affair. I knew it was a decision that could unravel even the strongest of unions. I never could have guessed that it would save mine.
I had felt this kind of passion only once before, when I first encountered the man who would be my husband. I was wandering my college campus, terrified, when a gorgeous man walked confidently up the hill. He saw me, and asked if he could help me find my way. “Well, yes,” I wanted to respond. “How about for forever? Does forever work for you?”
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1 Some Guy // Aug 14, 2008 at 11:37 am
It’s not enough that your violated your wedding vows, you also had to toss off this long-winded rationalization to try to convince a bunch of people you don’t even know that it’s not your fault.
Your husband deserves far better than you, you whiny, self-absorbed, neurotic slut.
2 Ginger // Aug 2, 2008 at 10:50 am
I fear that we have unrealistic expectations of love. Should love worth having be “work”? What exactly constitutes “work” in a relationship? Putting up with loneliness, unhappiness, apathy for five years? For ten, twenty? Maybe we should accept that we are enculturated to have short attention spans and fickle love commitments. I hear a lot of people tout working at their long-term relationships, but all I see are miserable, unsatisfied people. The most difficult and noble thing I imagine is loving another, selflessly, as much as you can yet with the knowledge that it could dissolve at any moment. This might lead to true appreciation of what one has while one has it. Still, I think the last line of the song Wicked Game might sum it up accurately, “nobody loves noone.”
3 Love // Jul 30, 2008 at 1:47 am
your a whore
4 James // Jul 29, 2008 at 8:14 pm
Someone wrote that James’ love really saved the marriage, and this is 1000% true. This author fools herself into thinking that she can remain close with Alex in a way that doesn’t violate her commitment to James, but that is just incorrect. Maybe I’m too immature myself, but it seems like James has given himself completely to the marriage while the author still has not. It doesn’t matter that she doesn’t copulate with Alex, but she is still giving a piece of herself to him, as evidenced by the fact that she hides their friendship from James. People of the opposite sex who have reached that level of feeling never go completely back, and to hang onto Alex as a balancing act against the things she wishes were improved in james is dishonest.
5 Ken S // Jul 29, 2008 at 11:08 am
The only good thing I can say about this article is that it highlights the immature way we tend to look at relationships and how unwilling people are to admit human nature. Almost everyone will feel that their needs are not being met in some way in a long term relationship. If marriages are to survive, the couple must always be aware that individual needs are fragile. Conscious effort must be made to be honest about your own needs, so you are not caught off-guard when you have feelings towards another person.
This author’s affair didn’t save her marriage. Her husband’s love for her did. She was immature, didn’t have awareness of her own emotional and sexual desires, and blamed her husband after they took control of her. And then she delighted in her husband’s forgiveness. This article displays the height of her selfishness, but it is all too familiar among men and women.
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