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How an Affair Saved My Marriage
In an unexpected positive twist; an affair brings a marriage back to life.
by Anonymous
James* was indeed confident, as well as wry, brilliant, fearless, and inspiring. While I was literally without a sense of direction, still searching for my dorm room, he was planning his future as a doctor.
Two years later, I selected a major that would help ensure my future as a writer; James signed up to study black history and South Africa, knowing it was his last chance to pursue other interests before his medical training.
I slept in on weekends while he got up to tutor underprivileged children. I gained, and kept, the freshman 15. James competed in two varsity sports. And while I continued to feel uncomfortable in the world, there was nowhere James wasn’t at home.
I put away my SOS flares. I had been rescued. When we decided to get married right after graduation, it was easy to ignore those who were concerned that we were too young. The naysayers, I reasoned, were simply amazed that I had this love thing all wrapped up by the age of 21. And for the first few years of marriage, that reasoning held water. Sure, James worked nonstop. But I, too, had found a career that I excelled at.
My job called for me to travel to glamorous destinations and meet with influential people; I was promoted at a record pace. But every weekend, every stolen vacation, reminded me that we were in this together. We cooked extravagant meals for each other and for friends. We hopped flights to Rome or Paris for a few days; we spent weeks tracking lions in Africa, trekking through Southeast Asia, or making love on empty Caribbean beaches.
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1 Kelly D. // Jun 23, 2008 at 10:30 pm
As someone who is in the middle of this exact situation now, I can relate to so much of what you describe: the intensity, the friends who could never understand, the guilt and the overwhelming feelings. I am encouraged by how your story ended, but i’m not sure, at the midway point in mine, how or if I can come out happy.
2 Portrait of an Open Marriage // Apr 25, 2008 at 4:05 pm
[…] years into our marriage, I began to feel itchy. So I had an affair. She was beautiful, an artist I met through a mutual friend. I deliberately chose to have an affair […]
3 anymynous // Apr 22, 2008 at 4:26 pm
Sometimes, there can be so much lonliness and emptiness within a marriage…it makes a person very vulnerable to the touch of a stranger. When a person constantly hears from other people how interesting, how pretty, how funny, how liked they are, and the one person they crave so badly to hear it from refuses to make the effort (even when you’ve cried, asked, begged countless times before)…well, it can make a person feel pretty empty and pretty vulnerable….I’m not condoning affairs, but word to the wise, if you love your spouse, cherish them, tell them, show them. Don’t leave it to others because you are lazy or selfish.
4 This sucks // Apr 21, 2008 at 8:54 pm
I don’t know what the writer is thinking. Marriage is about emotional attachment than physical intimacy. I believe it is a greater betrayal if your spouse confides her feelings in a other person than you. To make a marriage happy, respect for the marital bond the two people share is as important as love. Some of you have shown empathy towards the writer, but I feel the husband here is one for another heart break. Think from his point of view if he finds about this non-sexual (as the writer feels that all is right since it is not physical) affair with her former (i am not sure if ‘former’ is the correct word to use. the affair is still on) partner in adultery. He’ll not believe what the writer has to say that this relationship is platonic and er are just frens. He will associate this relationship as lack of trust and another betrayal.
If the writer has ever loved her husband, please do a favor and stay away from him. No matter how much James loves the writer, he deserves more; some one who will be faithful and sacrifice for him as he has done. Believe me, this marriage is not saved. You two have just joined for another huge setback to come.
While we can also perceive the situation from the writer’s view, we must realize that there’s got to be an end of this marriage. If there’s another affair coming to this relationship (i don’t want any to be there but still if it comes), I hope James does it.
I am sincerely sorry if I have offended anyone. While each individual has a right to project his/her life as s/he wills and as per his/her values, majority of human civilization will condemn the act of the writer. While majority is not always correct, believe me, in this case it is.
5 Steve Zarconi // Feb 16, 2008 at 2:46 pm
What an incredibly selfish woman, and how lucky this James is…NOT.
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