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Are Same-Sex Hook-ups Cheating?
She's engaged but still wants to experiment. Cathi and Dan advise.
by Cathi Hanauer & Dan Jones
Question: I just got engaged to my boyfriend of two years, and I feel regretful that I never had a sexual experience with a woman—even though I’m pretty sure I’m straight. Is it too late for me to explore this fantasy?
–Vanessa, 29
Her Take: Ask yourself why you feel regretful. Is it because you realize that saying “I do” will limit what you can do? Or is it because you’re not really sure you’re straight?
Both answers are worth contemplating, but the latter is a definite concern. If lesbian sex is something you crave, find out now. (If you realize you do, think hard about whether you’re ready to get married. I’d say not.) Or, is there any chance you could tell your fiance about this fantasy?
Part of a good marriage is exploring at least some of your sexual fantasies with your spouse— and lots of guys might actually like the idea of you being with a woman, especially if they could somehow be involved (even if it’s just watching). Either way, it’s better to potentially explore this with his blessing than behind his back.
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1 Wow // Aug 5, 2008 at 5:44 pm
Cheating is when you follow different spoken or unspoken rules than your partner, unless previously agreed upon.
Not so much fun… but perhaps those long coffee’s or experimental kisses are not so considerate of your partner.
2 Jag // Mar 26, 2008 at 10:04 am
Don’t need to even read this story I’ve read enough similar ones and my opinion does not change. Sex is sex..does not matter what orafice is used or even if anyone came. God I’ve spent the night in bed with another woman nude and non-nude all that touching and kissing and pillow talk! I felt more like I was cheating then then some of the quickies I’d done with lots of cumming!
3 Harper Jean Tobin // Mar 11, 2008 at 8:47 am
The advice here is pretty decent, but the title is appallingly heterosexist and just plain sexist. Of *course* same-sex hook-ups are cheating — if they are secret and illicit — just as different-sex hook-ups are. Few women would have any doubt about this with regard to their male partners hooking up with guys. The question only arises with female couplings due to the belief of some straight guys that woman-woman sex is not “real” sex because it doesn’t involve a(n attached) penis - a notion that not only demeans homosexuality but demeans women.