Financial Infidelity

by Sarah Max

A word on gender: Women aren’t the only ones guilty of financial secrets, says Alan Lavine, a syndicated financial columnist who cowrote Quick Steps to Financial Stability with his wife, Gail Liberman. But men’s money deviance tends to take different forms: gambling— as in bets at the office or on the golf course—and investing. “Some men play the market without telling their wives,” he says. Either way, it’s best to keep your joint slate clean. Here, a game plan.

Reconciling Your Past
The wisest way to stay honest: Having a heart-to-heart before either of you is tempted to engage in financial subterfuge. It’s a good idea to come clean about your money weaknesses and pet peeves, such as paying bills late or a yen for emotional spending—up front, says Weil.

Talk about how much you make, owe, and have in the bank, as well as how money was handled in your parents’ houses. “That often plays a prominent role in our behavior,” she says.

If you’ve been financially unfaithful, ’fess up. The relief you’ll feel will outweigh the dread of telling. A good way to broach the topic, says Lavine: “I have a problem and we need to talk.” That way, your spouse is less inclined to get angry—and more apt to work toward a joint resolution.

Planning Your Future
Once you understand where the other is coming from, it’s time to create a financial road map. “Make sure you’re on the same page about long-term goals, such as buying a house or retiring early,” says Barbara Steinmetz, a certified financial planner in San Mateo, California.