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Portrait of a 21st-Century Spinster
Single, successful woman share their tales of living life to the fullest.
by Anne Marie O'Connor
Simpson did point out that participants in the study were not opposed to casual relationships, which are “a form of companionship, such as going to the movies and having sex. But it was not with someone they would want to bring home to their parents, and they didn’t want to marry them,” she explains.
For Diane, 42, of Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, being single has meant being able to spend as much time as possible with her son (now 18) and pursue her life’s passion, showing horses. “I’m just not going to give up my life for someone else,” she says. Other bonuses of soloing? “No dinners with his boss, no trips to visit his parents,” notes Dana, 34, of Nashville.
“And no one’s taking out their frustrations about their day or yelling at me about what I spend on shoes or travel,” adds Rima. What these women do have in common with Bridget is friends. “I have people in my life I can call on for anything,” says Rima.
“Being single actually helps you value friends and family more,” notes Sonia, 32, of Philadelphia, who spends her weekends going to galleries and flea markets with the girls. “When I was younger, I would start dating a guy and stop seeing my friends. But life is not just all about the new guy, it’s about the other people, too.”
Even today, “spinster” carries a sting. “I wanted to reclaim the word,” says Simpson. “These women’s lives are not characterized by loneliness and isolation.”
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1 cris // Feb 28, 2008 at 7:42 pm
Jeff, I feel sad for the woman you wrote about. However, please don’t assume promiscuity is the norm for all women who are happily single. Not all people require sex to be fulfilled. Celibacy by choice is a good option for those not driven by their hormones. Life can be blissfully peaceful for one who prefers intellectual and spiritual pursuits.
2 Jeff // Feb 26, 2008 at 5:00 am
The truth about these “21st spinsters” is far from what appears on the outside - the apparently happy carefree woman living a “full” , and by implication, promiscuous life.
I am 35 and just out of curiosity went out on a couple of dates with one of these never married/no kids types 45 year old woman. After sex, much to my surprise she broke down in tears saying how empty and vapid her life is, and despite her sexually liberated/independent lifestyle she feels used by men after every short lived fling.
3 lilD // Feb 4, 2008 at 11:39 am
sounds like a lot of justification to me…i was happy being single (truly!) but never felt like i needed to articulate why being single was actually superior. i actually thought that having a long distance relatioship would be ideal given how independent i am, busy with work and friends, etc but after settling down with someone i love dearly, i am happier with him being in my life and not long distance.
love that so many women are single and truly happy and not being defined by marriage
funny that this is not a conversation about men? when the truth is that “data” show it’s tougher for men generally to be single than for women!
4 Joey // Feb 4, 2008 at 11:12 am
If I am not happily married, I hope to be a playboy until the day I die… I would love to be 98 years old with a hot Pamlea Anderson on my lap while I cruise down fifth ave on my wheelchair…
5 Deb // Feb 4, 2008 at 4:44 am
Thank you. I’m so sick of being judged by my marital status. I’ve been happily single for 54 years and I thank the goddesses every time I think about how many times I could’ve broken down and said yes but held my ground and kept my freedom.
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