How My Parents Fell For My Husband

by Amy Sohn

“I understand that,” my dad said. “But there’s no reason the burden should fall on Mom and me just for the sake of tradition. Let me think this over and email you some breakdowns.”

What was my father’s problem? Did he think Jack’s father and stepmother were richer than they really were? Did my father know I made more money than Jack? Was he worried I was going to support Jack for the rest of my life and afraid to be complicit in that, even symbolically, by paying for most of the wedding? Would any of this be happening if I’d married someone Jewish?

I checked my inbox. There was an email that looked like an algebraic equation, outlining three different ways of dividing the total budget between them, Jack’s family, and us. It contained phrases like “where Y=60 percent of total.”

When Jack came home I was totally distraught. “It’s OK,” he said. “Let’s do it all ourselves. I can’t pay you anything now, but I will pay you back, I promise. We’ll do it at City Hall and go out to dinner, immediate family only. I’d prefer a small wedding anyway.”

“I’m an exhibitionist!” I said. “I’m not going to do my wedding vows for an audience of 15. That’s fewer people than I had at my Barnes & Noble reading!”