Word of the Day: Polyfidelity

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• 1 D // Apr 11, 2008 at 11:40 pm Polyfidelity = cheating. “Polyamory”, “open marriages” and the like = created by people too weak and selfish to commit to one person. They never stop trying to find ways to make cheating sound like something other than what it is. Hence all the fancy euphemisms. Cheaters suck.

• 2 VannA // Feb 12, 2008 at 4:37 pm Its a great word. There’s no rational reason, that I have managed to find, to show why monfidelity is superior. Its all about trust, and trust is very interesting thing. Oddly enough, there’s a scene in Jaws that has one of the most apt quotes about Trust that I have ever come across. I won’t re-iterate it here.. but look it up.

• 3 dafyddcoch // Feb 6, 2008 at 5:39 am -http://www.tangomag.com/2006130/portrait-of-an-open-marriage-2.html/1#comment_form I and my long-term partner (23 years) enjoyed a loving and fun relationship with another couple for 14 years which worked very well for all concerned. We were already good friends and knew that we were all very open-minded generally as well as very sexual. None of us were into the idea of swinging and just being a notch on another bedpost (although fine for those that want it) as we associate sex with closeness as well as fun. We shared many aspects of our lives such as restoring houses, restoring cars, childcare, emotional support, helping each other’s extended families etc. We had sexual fun both as a group and individually from time to time in all the possible combinations (MF MMF etc). the relationship with this couple has now changed and we no longer are intimate as about 4 years ago one of the other couple (her) felt she was no longer into it. We remain the very best of friends and will always hold a corner of our hearts dear for this wonderful pair of individuals and my partner and I are still in love and committed to each other despite certain complications on our lives. So you see having a different sort of relationship i.e. non-monogamous, need not end in disaster even after 14 years. We are not naturally monogamous and the animal instinct is to create as many kids as possible with as many different partners as possible therefore increasing the chance of our DNA being passed on. This is obviously not a practical way to lead a life ion the modern world or even a fairly old world with all its institutions mortgages schooling etc etc. However, just like we need to con other of our basic instincts (such as flight or fight etc) or they get us into trouble so we need to con this one as well. Polyfidelity was for us a way of doing that and we enjoyed having extra emotional and spiritual aspects in our lives. The statistics for infidelity make a mockery of the idea of monogamy the majority (various surveys put this at between 60% and 85% of relationships have some form of infidelity within them and many more have imagined/ pined for in. At no time have we been dishonest to each other in over 23 years, no secret kisses, guilty feelings, no almost affairs that often still involve a level of dishonesty even if you call it off before it happens etc etc. We don’t think everybody should live like this we are all individuals that should choose the relationship style that works best for those concerned within it. However, living apart but committed relationships, same-sex marriage, being single, monogamy, celibacy, are all examples of the diversity of relationship styles that now are common place. Choosing a non-conventional relationship style does not mean that it will fail or end in misery anymore than it would with conventional marriage with over 50% ending in divorce (http://www.divorce-advice.org.uk/) and high levels of dissatisfaction in those couples who are living conventionally. All relationships take work if they are to be mutually satisfying including those with parents, children, friends, siblings and the key is respect and negotiation with all who are affected. This rather than the actual number of participants or the style of relationship is perhaps the best key to a successful relationship. We have now been without this type of relationship for over 4 years and whilst we aren’t actively looking for another couple to fall in love with we are always open to the idea should the right people coma along. We are both more than a little aspie in nature and behaviour and it is perhaps this that helps us to look at relatiosnships the way that we do i.e. completely objectively however, we are still chuffed with the state of our relationship after more than 23 years and it brings us great strength and joy. I will be posting the same letter in the comment section relating to open marriage Thanks for taking the time to read this and if you would like to comment I will be happy to discuss this further. hwel fawr Dafyddcoch

• 4 John Cowan // Dec 31, 2007 at 12:41 pm Sometimes. Or maybe there’s more than one bathroom. Or more than one house, for that matter. Polyfidelity means being faithful to all your partners.

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