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Why I Proposed To Him
A change of heart leads the author to propose to her boyfriend.
by Jeanann Pannasch
Historically, men fared better than women after marriage, they reasoned—so why do it? And how could anyone tie the knot in good conscience when it was a right denied to gay couples? Each night after work, I would continue the discussion with Andrew, who shared my views. “How could anyone? Why would anyone?” we pondered. And just like that, I had talked my future husband out of marriage.
Almost five years later and 2,795 miles from my home, I changed my mind. Andrew and I had moved to Los Angeles for his job—and while I was initially up for the adventure, life on the west coast left me lonelier that I had ever been. But returning to New York City without him was something I couldn’t contemplate. I was in love, and I was proud of our relationship.
As a child, I dreamed of a home that would be different—where respect, communication, and affection were fundamental and aggression was not welcome. Andrew and I had that and more.
When we discovered that we didn’t like the clubs in L.A., we turned our living room into a dance party with house music, a disco ball, and fog machine. Those who attended our sleepovers were treated to banana splits and Andrew’s classic-rock tutorials.
Slowly, I was coming around to the idea of marriage. But when I brought up our future, Andrew remained unconvinced. “I love you,” he told me. “I know that I am going to be with you for the rest of my life. I don’t need to get married.”
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1 The Married Grass is Greener // Feb 28, 2008 at 11:04 am
[…] decision to bear, as a source of joy instead of a burden she desperately wants a break from? Women choose to get married for reasons other than having kids or societal pressure, so it seems that one secret to success […]
2 It Takes Three, Baby // Feb 18, 2008 at 9:38 am
[…] Curiously, women feel ready for marriage an average four months earlier than their blokes. In fact, ten percent of women in the UK decide to propose themselves. […]
3 Tara // Feb 6, 2008 at 10:45 am
I am happy that it worked out but typically if a guy is not aksing you, it is for a reason. He is not ready. I hope women don’t do this in an effort to “lock” down their man.
4 Lorraine K Ebbin // Dec 26, 2007 at 9:16 am
and now there is gorgeaous baby ‘S’ to really show the world a beautiful love. All who meet you see that love and are blessed to know you.
Cousin Karen told me about the article and I googled it. Good stuff girl! Love to all…
5 Quitze // Dec 24, 2007 at 10:12 am
sigh, maybe there is still some ray of hope left for me lol. <—Same scenario