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Can a Democrat Love A Republican?
Can a Republican and a Democrat live happily ever after?
by Caroline Tiger
It felt strange to have to defend a guy who felt so right for me to friends who had tolerated men who were so wrong for me. Would they really rather see me with the one who dumped me over the phone with no explanation after two years? Or the one who cheated?
I considered starting a bipartisan-couple support group. The slogan was obvious—”What would JC and MM do?” Maybe Carville and Matalin would keynote the inaugural conference. If not, there was always Shriver and Schwarzenegger.
And there were plenty of couples like us to recruit. I knew three personally. It was a relief to socialize with them, because the men could talk about Republican things, and the women could rest easy knowing that the evening would be free of people positioning themselves squarely against our partners in their quest to be crowned Best Liberal. Why were we putting ourselves through this, I wondered? What was the attraction?
When I asked Helen Fisher, anthropologist and author of Why We Love, she was stumped. “Our brain chemistry for attraction is so strong,” she said. “It really could enable you to overlook the fact that someone has three heads.” (She, it should be noted, is a Democrat.)
She added that there are no data to indicate that we’d be more or less attracted to someone of a similar political stripe. We do gravitate toward people who come from a similar socioeconomic level; who have comparable levels of intelligence, education, and good looks; and with whom we share a sense of humor and religious values. (Check out this piece on interfaith marriages.)
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1 karri // Mar 2, 2008 at 11:33 pm
i guess i’m more republican, but he is more democrat, but i stand corrected b/c he doesn’t like to associate w/ either party. its more a thing about humananity
2 karri // Mar 2, 2008 at 11:30 pm
my situation is the opposite. while i’m more a moderate, my b/f is an extreme liberal–i love him, but it drives me nuts! i want to make it work, but i don’t know how without these things getting in the way…any suggestions??
3 Politically Incorrect // Feb 25, 2008 at 1:04 pm
[…] out what Tango had to say, as well as a recent Modern Love clip from the New York Times. Post Comment […]
4 Sue // Feb 1, 2008 at 10:44 am
My husband and I have been married 42 years–he, a registered Republican and me, a registered Democrat. The reason we have different parties represented is to vote for the “Person” representing that party, NOT THE “PARTY”. At least that is what we were taught. Respect for one another and a vote for the “person”. Loyalty and respect for the “President” of our Country no matter who they are; “Patriotism”, not “Partisonship”. Clearly I am older than you, but I do want to make a comment about pro-choice. Where would you be if a choice was deliberately made when you were conceived?
5 Larry // Jan 15, 2008 at 6:14 pm
Sarah, you couldn’t be more right. Almost all my friends on the left are not capable of having a calm discourse over political differences. They get red-faced almost immediately when I tell them that I mostly agree with the right. And I have found that they get even angrier when I stay focused and explain my positions without the theatrics! It’s almost comical.
I am lucky to have found and married a woman who isn’t glued to any kind of ideology. She has, and has taught me, the ability to see the frauds on both sides of the argument.
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