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Short Man in Love
One (vertically challenged) writer comes up short in the romance department.
by Jonathan Bender
There’s no lack of short relationships with men, you just don’t see a lot of short men in relationships. Whether it is ultimately natural selection at work or just an inability to spot smaller men in a crowd is anyone’s guess. You’ll find dozens of couples every day at the Big & Tall. But there aren’t a lot of wedding registries in the children’s department of Barneys. On the dating rack, people are extra-large in love with no room left for the little guy.
Fairfield, CT. 1993. My first formal dance, I’m scuffling along in shoes meant for a Clydesdale. Rental tuxedo sleeves threaten to swallow my hands. My date is 5′10”. I’m 5’3”. This won’t end well.
The picture on the mantle tells the story. She has me by half a foot. Her dress is simple, blue, and seemingly endless. Her arm is on my shoulder in a way-to-go buddy gesture.
Pink and grey balloons reflect in the mirrors over the parquet dance floor. It’s Saturday night at the Knights of Columbus. The bass dies. On cue, the DJ breathes heavily into his microphone. My tongue burns from Binaca. It’s a slow dance, the first of the night.
It’s over before it even starts. My eyes never leave the top of my dance partner’s dress. I want to make eye contact, but I can’t. Under other circumstances and raised with different morals, I might have enjoyed the position I was in. Instead, my uncooperative shoes lurch towards my date’s unprotected toes.
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1 David // Jun 15, 2008 at 7:10 pm
Hi, It’s me again. Next time a woman tells you she doesn’t date short men, forget about it. After you have forgotten about it and you are about to ask another one out, think of Prince the musician. He is 5′2″ and every woman I know think he is the sexiest man alive and they all want him. That is all I have to say. Dave ( a very short man who is happy) signing out.
2 David // May 31, 2008 at 10:49 am
I am a 5′ 3″ male on a good day. I must say I have had a good lfe. Don’t get me wrong, I have had good times and bad times. I was popular in High School because I had a great sense of humor and did crazy things such as going surfing in a snowstorm. I dated all kinds of women. Then I went to college 4 hours away from the water and realized for the first time that some women do care about height. I went into a 4 year depression. I was out of my element in a small town and I let it go to my head. I went for four years with hardly even a date. When I got out of there it took me a long time to recover. When I moved back to the city, the old me came back. For the last 8 years I have had more awesome girlfirends than ever! I moved to Chicago and went to graduate school and graduated at the top of my class. Let me tell you, (in Chicago or any other big city) there are a bazillion wonderful women to date who are beautiful inside and outside who dont care about height. To make a long story short. I am going to marry the love of my life. I know she isn’t marrying me for status either. She truly loves me and it is very obvious to me and my friends. She is full of spunk, taller than me, and she is hot but let me tell you…… the looks won’t last forever because we all age but her spunk will last forever. I feel sorry for all of you who have let this affect you. I almost let it destroy me but I pulled myself back up. It is not easy shaking it off when you are depressed but you have to. When you do, you will realize that height doesn’t matter. If you are stuck in a small town full of stupid people who will probably judge you on idiotic things like height, then move to a big city. Cities are fun and there are always new things to try and new opportunities. I see shorter guys than me walking with a taller bombshell in their arms all the time here in Chicago. You will find people who are more intelligent and open minded in the city. Stop making excuses and make the move! Also, NEVER NEVER GIVE UP ON YOUR DREAMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3 DRK // May 28, 2008 at 6:12 pm
Anyone who doesn’t fit the media-promoted norm faces discrimination from those who are shallow enough to buy into it. And since the media is an incredibly schizophrenic beast, there’s really no true norm that is promoted- only generalities based on what individual casting agents and so forth find attractive.
Don’t feel upset about the idea that others might prejudge you, just keep trying to meet new people as you develop a solid and healthy life philosophy and very soon you will be able to build a network of supportive friends who don’t give a crap how tall you are. Inevitably, that leads to meeting women who aren’t concerned about the media’s expectations for appearance, which then can lead to dating (if the interest is mutual).
I do know women who discriminate based on height, but they have generally been shallow and socially maladjusted, in my experience, so they aren’t worth any worry.
My opinion is that the most attractive aspects a man can possess are a face that the woman *as an individual* finds handsome (nothing to do with those “attractiveness norms” on TV or anything like that- it’s always an individualized preference) and a lack of hangups or insecurities. I think it is often short men’s insecurity over their height that drives women off and not their actual height itself.
Personally, I *prefer* shorter men, so there are women out there who aren’t discriminatory against them at all.
Something else I want to bring up-
As someone who doesn’t fit the MTV ideal of masculine tallness, you should also be prepared to consider women who do not fit the media’s mold as well. If you are always running after perky blonde women with little in the way of intellectual sense then you will inevitably be let down. There are very beautiful and interesting women out there who are easy to love when you let go of the beauty ideals that have been pushed on you by the TV since you were young, and you won’t be sorry that you explored this avenue in the long run.
4 still kicking // Apr 8, 2008 at 6:12 pm
Very cute article even if I can’t relate to the ending. I’m 5′6″ with glasses. Plain looking. A NICE guy as a person. Get the picture? Haha. My own decades long experience has been that for 90% of the female population I have been essentially invisible. For the other 10%, the ones not afraid to say what they feel, I have been a YUK. You know what a YUK is. 4 thumbs down, right?
I am now of an age, senior citizen, where height no longer has much meaning since the women my group have finally gotten it into their stupid heads that a life of always choosing things based solely upon appearance isn’t always the most rewarding. But for my part, I no longer care. Love is a word to me with no personal meaning since I have never had the opportunity to be a part of it. And I have zero interest in trying to finally make something with a person who has completely ignored me my entire life solely because I failed to measure up, no pun intended, to some rediculous image of what a MAN is suppose to be.
When I want female companionship I simply pay by the hour or longer. Maybe that’s not the way it was suppose to happen but life deals each person a unique set of roads to travel.
I see so much misery and tragedy in this world and I am thankful everyday for the many assests that I enjoy. I have a nice home, eat well, good health, and a strong curiousity to always go a bit farther to see what is over the next hill.
So many people have so little while others are unhappy with what they do have. If I have been shortchanged (darn, what’s with all these words relating to height?) in some areas I have hopefully been able to compensate in others. Hey, I’m Still Kicking!
5 44 Sixfooter // Mar 19, 2008 at 9:22 am
I always preferred to date a man who is taller than me for what I thought were obvious reasons. However that has not been the case. It seems that taller men are not interested. I’ve, for the most part dated shorter men. I have learned that a man is a man, it is not his height that makes him a man it is his character. Food for thought???
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