Single? Down in the Dumps? Just add water

by Genevieve

If a pasty reflection in the mirror and persisting desire to sleep have not already let the cat out of the bag, here’s a reminder: the mid-January slump has arrived.

Several sources claimed yesterday to be the “most depressing day of the year” while others pin it on this coming Thursday, January 24. Whatever the case, we have something to put a hop back into your lethargic, pale-skinned step: the “Grow a Boyfriend” doll.

Here’s what he has to offer, according to the product’s packaging:

• He doesn’t chew with his mouth open — in fact, he doesn’t chew at all…
• Always there when you need him.
• He never snores.
• He doesn’t look at you like you’re nuts when you buy another pair of shoes.

If your “real” boyfriend (aka not one that starts as a two-inch-tall little red creature and grows 600% after three days spent in water à la the sea monkeys you may have played with as a kid ) is jealous of your new, sprouting bf, you could buy him his very own “Grow a Girlfriend.” The packaging for this little lady promises nothing AND she’s 50 cents cheaper than her male counterpart. Hmm…

Check back in 72 hours to see the final product!