He’s Just Not That Into Sex…

by Maureen

Biblio Face-Off: He’s Just Not Up for It Anymore, by Bob Berkowitz and Susan Yager-Berkowitz, vs. The Sex-Starved Wife, by Michele Weiner Davis

Both address the growing epidemic: instead of the same old, “she has a headache” story, he’s the one that doesn’t want to do it. But before you throw both into your amazon.com cart (and five others that might touch on the sensitive topic), take a minute to decide which one is right for you, as each has a unique perspective.

If you know what’s causing the problem:

(e.g., anger issues, depression, lack of adventurous sex) and would like in-depth coverage of the issue at hand, He’s Just Not Up for It Anymore is a good bet. Each chapter is devoted to the issues that might be plaguing your sex life.

But if you don’t know why you aren’t having sex:

go for The Sex-Starved Wife. It assists in diagnosing the problem, as well as offering more of a solutions-based format. Overall, we vote for this one, mainly because it has a more positive “let’s fix this” attitude, but both are great resources.

Here, a snippet of useful tips from Sex-Starved, which suggests talking about the problem, then slowly offering solutions, such as:

Think about what you want, not what you’re unhappy about: Tell your husband what you want to happen in your marriage, or positively reinforce what’s going well.

Make your requests action oriented: Instead of “I wish you didn’t ignore me when you came home,” try “I would really appreciate it if you asked me to spend time with you in the evenings.”

Go slowly: Too many women ask for gigantic changes that would take weeks or months to accomplish. Break your ultimate goal down into steps that you can achieve over a few days or a week.