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Breakup Etiquette: Dividing Your Friends
The relationship may be over, but what to do with pals you still share?
by Vanessa Voltolina
After learning that he was having an affair with a mutual friend and coworker, “It was a really bad situation, so I was focused on starting over,” she says. “I found that my friends from before the divorce were still mine afterward. My large family was also a primary support. Honestly, due to the circumstances, I really didn’t really want anything to do with my ex or any of our coworkers.” Luckily, Mary mentioned that she was able to cut all ties to them.
And sometimes that’s okay. In the throes of heartbreak, what you need are a few go-to friends, not a Facebook-sized army of acquaintances. “At this point in time, a big friendship network isn’t necessary,” says Sanderson, “but what is are the subset of people who are in your corner.
These are the people whose loyalty you’re sure of and who you don’t have to worry will report back to your ex.” In some cases, says Sanderson, they may almost act as your representatives, making sure rumors are nipped in the bud.
Still need ways to mend a broken social circle? Try these tips:
• Tell your side of the story. Nobody likes a martyr, but if it was a messy separation, make sure friends in common know your side. “The person who goes ‘public’ with this news first is probably better off, since the way they frame and describe the situation are important,” says Sanderson.
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1 The Truth About Moving in Together // May 30, 2008 at 2:44 pm
[…] my point of view, our friends and plans were already tightly intertwined, and we were well past big conversations about […]
2 zane // Apr 3, 2008 at 2:41 pm
ok listen my ex broke up with me and my bestest freind asked her out on the same day she broke up with me and he didnt even tell me im pissed and i wanna know how to split there as$es up please help add me on yahoo messenger behemoth_rocks_9998
3 DAD // Jan 31, 2008 at 11:59 am
Vanessa,
You are not only smart but beautiful!
4 evan mathews // Jan 31, 2008 at 8:28 am
If there is a breakup between people I know, I hide. I am so sick and tired of the blubbering, especially from women. The crying is kinda like this, “Oh I knew he was a jerk but I married him because I knew I could fix him”. Got news for you. If you marry a jerk, he or she probably will remain a jerk. You don’t “fix” someone.
5 JonnyHairdont // Jan 30, 2008 at 12:57 pm
Yeah, I know people that would rather just move away than deal with it. Across town at the least.
Read All 9 Comments on Breakup Etiquette: Dividing Your Friends