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Why Am I Still Single?
New research says there's a reason you're single--and meant to stay that way.
by Kristine Gasbarre
Even as those 57.5 million of us gather round cozy wine bars with our girlfriends, enjoy Bridget Jones nights in sweats on the couch, or pack four different guys into one week (yep, it happens), we’re likely to be puzzled over what we may be doing wrong: “That one wearing three carats with the husband more loyal than a black lab–what does she know that I don’t?”–or if we actually need partners, as tradition (and Mom) seems to imply.
Jean Twenge is a psychology professor at San Diego State University and author of Generation Me: Why Today’s Young Americans Are More Confident, Assertive, Entitled–and More Miserable–Than Ever Before (Free Press, 2007) and co-author of the upcoming Narcissism Epidemic with W. Keith Campbell.
Based on recent research she has conducted to learn about current attitudes toward relationships, Twenge confirms, “There is in fact a massive cultural shift at work here.” She says the number of women who are romantically uninvolved is a result of one major factor: our culture tells us we don’t need relationships.
Call it the “singular-single syndrome”: We have it. Twenge recently conducted a study of 200 student participants at San Diego State, and 90% of them answered the questionnaire stating they live by grand individualistic philosophies like, “You shouldn’t ever need anyone else to make you feel complete” and “You have to make yourself happy.”
Based on this study and a handful of others Twenge has conducted in the last few years, she concludes that today’s young adults feel they need to be completely self-sufficient in their happiness.
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1 Stevo // May 9, 2008 at 2:48 pm
Sure thing ecco28, and it’s time men got something out of marriage besides “Ummm, I have a headache.”
2 ecco28 // Mar 24, 2008 at 9:12 pm
Um, I don’t agree. Society continues to tell women our ultimate goal is to get married — yes the Sex and the City girls had fun being single, but they weren’t supposed to be single forever. Why shouldn’t we demand more — women have been the givers for centuries, it’s time we got something out of marriage besides more housework.
3 Love in 2012: What The Future Holds // Feb 21, 2008 at 11:00 am
[…] he also predicts that the single among us won’t necessarily be cozying up to our computers while auditioning pixelated Mr. Rights. “By […]
4 Bturner // Feb 8, 2008 at 4:40 pm
Great article and completely true. There is some sort of disconnect going on, and most people refuse to look at themselves as the reason. It’s kind of sad when you think about it.
5 henry // Feb 8, 2008 at 1:03 am
look out for number 1 - and dont step in number 2.. .clean slate in 08