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Why Am I Still Single?
New research says there's a reason you're single--and meant to stay that way.
by Kristine Gasbarre
The fact is, young American adults view deep emotional involvement with others as weakness and dependence. It’s not just that our culture accepts and accommodates the single lifestyle now–it’s that it actually disparages the individual who isn’t focused solely on her own personal advancement.
The ubiquitous teachings from our capitalist culture media, Boomer-generation parents who toiled to teach us the importance of pursuing personal goals, and teachers in an increasingly survival-of-the-very-fittest education system–all these emphasize the individual and her goals, not her need for involvement with others.
Twenge also said that a study she’s currently conducting with W. Keith Campbell leads to the conclusion that narcissism in America is higher than it’s ever been before, and by definition of considering themselves more important than the people they associate with, narcissistic people make terrible relationship partners.
Twenge blames this spike in narcissism on societal teachings like those aforementioned but also feels that purported social networking devices like MySpace and Facebook are less a method of connecting with others than a means of shameless self-promotion giving the individual limitless opportunity to think about themselves and advertise why other people should want to know them.
Some users even employ social networking sites out of romantic malice, attempting to provoke jealousy or track the whereabouts of an ex. And for some couples, being on each other’s friend lists is a topic more taboo than first-date sex. “No way would I add (my new girlfriend) to my page,” says Kevin, 30, an engineer near Pittsburgh. “I think she’s pissed about it but if it ends, it will be too awkward if we’re able to keep tabs on each other.”
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1 Stevo // May 9, 2008 at 2:48 pm
Sure thing ecco28, and it’s time men got something out of marriage besides “Ummm, I have a headache.”
2 ecco28 // Mar 24, 2008 at 9:12 pm
Um, I don’t agree. Society continues to tell women our ultimate goal is to get married — yes the Sex and the City girls had fun being single, but they weren’t supposed to be single forever. Why shouldn’t we demand more — women have been the givers for centuries, it’s time we got something out of marriage besides more housework.
3 Love in 2012: What The Future Holds // Feb 21, 2008 at 11:00 am
[…] he also predicts that the single among us won’t necessarily be cozying up to our computers while auditioning pixelated Mr. Rights. “By […]
4 Bturner // Feb 8, 2008 at 4:40 pm
Great article and completely true. There is some sort of disconnect going on, and most people refuse to look at themselves as the reason. It’s kind of sad when you think about it.
5 henry // Feb 8, 2008 at 1:03 am
look out for number 1 - and dont step in number 2.. .clean slate in 08