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Why Am I Still Single?
New research says there's a reason you're single--and meant to stay that way.
by Kristine Gasbarre
Any way you slice it, we’re all looking out for Number One. Here’s the trouble: the more time we spend thinking about ourselves, formulating clever responses to friends’ online comments about us, posting our most attractive photos, and “pimping our profiles” to leave impressions on our contacts, the less time we spend actually interacting with and caring about others.
Even the word “friend” has transformed from an endeared noun used to describe an intimate, trusted companion to a verb that implies a quick click of the mouse. “Listen, I gotta run, it was nice to meet you. Remember to friend me tomorrow.” We lack the basic fundamental of all relationships – spending time together – and personal eye-to-eye contact continues to grow more rare.
Chris Morett is a sociology professor specializing in family and marriage at Fordham University in New York City. Morett echoes this cultural emphasis on the individual.
He says our communities and peer groups have broken down significantly in the last decade, and our consumer culture promises the singular single that you can “Have it your way.” Thus young Americans are less willing to compromise their own desires than ever before, and Morett goes so far as saying that the American dating process has become similar to other means of shopping for a product.
Because women don’t need marriage for the economic stability and source of identity the institution provided decades ago (because the majority of American women nowadays were not raised simply to be wives but to value personal advancement by self-sufficient means, and women are economically independent deriving their identity from their work and other societal roles, not just from being a wife) marriage is not a necessity but a choice.
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1 Stevo // May 9, 2008 at 2:48 pm
Sure thing ecco28, and it’s time men got something out of marriage besides “Ummm, I have a headache.”
2 ecco28 // Mar 24, 2008 at 9:12 pm
Um, I don’t agree. Society continues to tell women our ultimate goal is to get married — yes the Sex and the City girls had fun being single, but they weren’t supposed to be single forever. Why shouldn’t we demand more — women have been the givers for centuries, it’s time we got something out of marriage besides more housework.
3 Love in 2012: What The Future Holds // Feb 21, 2008 at 11:00 am
[…] he also predicts that the single among us won’t necessarily be cozying up to our computers while auditioning pixelated Mr. Rights. “By […]
4 Bturner // Feb 8, 2008 at 4:40 pm
Great article and completely true. There is some sort of disconnect going on, and most people refuse to look at themselves as the reason. It’s kind of sad when you think about it.
5 henry // Feb 8, 2008 at 1:03 am
look out for number 1 - and dont step in number 2.. .clean slate in 08