French Prez Marries Former Model

by Tom Miller

Nicolas Sarkozy made an honest woman out of Carla Bruni ending literally hours and days of speculation of ‘will they, won’t they.’ The Sark has been playing a vicious game of chicken with the media and told them that they would be ‘the last to know.’ Well we one upped him. There are a lot of people that don’t know yet and we’re guessing that some of them even speak French (Moroccans and a few Haitians). So, it looks like someone will be eating crow (or coq au vin). We’re sort of surprised that they didn’t make this move sooner. Seriously, some Eastern countries were not down with her visiting. We’re not sure if they objected to her music career or what. The Sikhs in India were so mad that they burned pictures of the French president. It’s like the first time that you bring a boyf or girlf home and your dad throws a fit about staying in the same room. So you threaten to book a hotel room and your partner is like, “hey, I don’t mind. Let’s not make a big deal out of it.” And your Mom’s like, “You know how your father is.” And you’re like, “Fine, but as soon as you guys go to Shoneys for breakfast we’re totally doing it in your bed.”

Evidently, Sarkozy is a master at micromanaging and is actually managing Bruni’s music career. Yeah, we sort of guessed that France is more or less on autopilot. Hopefully someone is watching the Maginot line. A British paper, the Daily Mail, is even reporting that Carla has Sarkozy’s child on deck and that was the rationale behind getting hitched.