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Marriage Without Monogamy
One couple's alternative to traditional vows? A legally binding contract.
by Dan Eldridge
I was probably on my fourth or fifth Dogfish Head when I felt the side of Carrie’s foot rubbing lightly against the side of mine, underneath the booth. At first, I wasn’t entirely sure it had actually happened. This was quite possibly the most stunningly sophisticated woman I had ever laid eyes on, after all. And she was sitting right next to her boyfriend. The thug.
I carefully rubbed right back, and when I saw Carrie’s eyes meet mine, and then her lips tighten into a conspiratorial smile, I lifted my foot just an inch or two and started rubbing it in small circles on the outside of her left leg. Eventually, I pried my fingers off my pint glass and slowly moved them underneath the table, where they brushed up against Carrie’s knee, and then her fingers, and then the underside of her wrist. At one point I went so far as to reach down for her ankle, and then the curved, smooth brown skin on the back of her leg.
The entire time this was going on, by the way, I was carrying on a conversation with Ray and with Carrie’s boyfriend, and when the realization of what I was actually doing finally hit me like a smack in the back of the head, my entire body started shaking involuntarily, as if I had the chills. I excused myself from the booth and went into the bathroom, and I looked at myself in the mirror and tried to take deep, slow breaths at the same time.
After a minute or two had passed, I came back to the booth, and Carrie and I started touching each other under the table again. Eventually she and Michael got up to leave, and I shook Michael’s hand, and told him how good it was to have finally met. I gave Carrie a friendly hug, and she simply smiled back at me, as if nothing unusual at all had just taken place.
“We should do this again sometime,” I blurted out. And Carrie just smiled again, and nodded. And then she and Michael walked through the bar’s door and went home.
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1 alphadominance // Nov 18, 2008 at 6:49 pm
Though the flaws of monogamy are clear, I fail to grasp what, exactly, the purpose of marriage would be without it? Why not form the holding company as they intend to do without marriage. Furthermore without an extensive pre-nup,their intentions would not necessarily be honored regardless in the event of a divorce. Less so if children are involved. It seems like so much dewy-eyed romanticism I don’t know what to make of it. Just be polyamorous life-partners without the marriage if you have so many issues with it, or take the plunge and get married and accept what comes with it (do get a pre-nup though). I don’t see this ending well.
2 chris // Sep 5, 2008 at 9:13 am
At one point some one will get jealous and more possessive. It will either have to stop and the relationship will end. what happens if you have children or some one gets sick?
3 Dan // Aug 27, 2008 at 1:04 am
To “Non-Monogamous”: Thanks for the kind words and the vote of confidence! I’d love to take a look at your blog, if you wouldn’t mind passing along the URL.
And to “Some Guy”: Yes, I certainly am hyper-competitive, and proud of it! I’m also a big-time asshole. How did you ever guess? But you **so wrong** about “my interest in the woman,” as you put it. Hell, I ruined her relationship almost two years ago, and we’re still going strong! As a matter of fact, we’re getting married in 7 weeks. But I’m afraid I can’t invite you, because you seem to have a pretty negative attitude about life in general. But thanks for the comment. I’ll think about you the next time I steal someone else’s girlfriend!
4 Non-Monogamous // Aug 20, 2008 at 3:14 pm
I love the column!! As a newbie, I love that you write about the emotions and self-discovery that comes with non-monogamy. You’ve actually inspired me to start my own blog about it…which in turn is helping my husband and me navigate our feelings, desires and rules in our own relationship. Thanks for being so open and honest. Can’t wait for the new website!
5 Some Guy // Aug 14, 2008 at 1:03 pm
To be blunt, you hit on women who already have boyfriends because you’re a hyper-competitive a$$hole. You have no sense of self-worth, so you seek validation from conquests. Once you destroy her relationship, you’ll immediately lose interest in the woman.
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