Do You Run From Love?

by Sandra Barron

By trying these things in a group first, you’re setting up the option to have little successes, and if you have any little failures, it’s not as crushing as if you try it out right away in the couple.

What kind of groups are you talking about?
Most people just need to look around at what they’re doing, at whatever is a natural community for them, whether it’s a group of friends that they do things regularly with, or work – work is one of the most common communities where people are interacting in an important way with other people. Then there are faith communities of all kinds, recreational groups, 12-step groups. I think it can be almost any situation.

The key is trying new ways of being more open or speaking up so you don’t feel like if you get near anybody that they’re going to roll right over you.

For example?
Let’s say, people who distance with sarcasm in their couple relationships. They may think about it and realize that they do it with people at work, too. So, they might practice sitting through something at the office and noticing what they’re about to say, and instead, choose to act in a different way. They might do something really unusual for them, like leave somebody a note saying “You did a great job on this” without saying anything sarcastic.

It could be anything that represents how they want to change, even just being more open about feelings.