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5 Things I Wish I Knew About Sex at 30
Looking back, one seasoned lover wishes she'd learned certain lessons sooner.
by Pepper Schwartz
Fourth, I would definitely have liked to have been freer about using toys together. Oh sure, I did try a few—but it took me years to be as playful as I am now. I think laughing in bed is half of the joy of being intimate, and a sense of humor, as well as a sense of adventure, allows you to try some of the more daring sexual devices. Whether or not you ever use them again is unimportant. On the other hand, try them once, and you may well rank them among your most precious possessions! I think experimentation nurtures play and passion in long-term relationships, and what could possibly be wrong with that? Looking back, I wouldn’t shy away from trying vibrating panties, edible body paint, vibrating penis rings . . .
Finally, I wish I had appreciated all that my body could do and not wasted time on my ridiculous list of imperfections. When you get to your Prime years you realize that a healthy body is a great body—and I have been blessed with one that still has all its parts, still loves and appreciates sex, and still has the capacity to make me and my partner feel blissful in each other’s arms. So much time wasted over fretting about weight, breast size or butt shape! The guy who wants you, wants you. I have learned to believe that the most important thing is to let someone adore you and enjoy whatever moment you have together without inhibition. I wish I had given myself that same permission and satisfaction a long time ago.
Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D, is the author of Prime: Adventures and Advice on Sex, Love, and the Sensual Years.
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1 James // May 4, 2008 at 9:15 pm
I have a silly notion about the nail thing. I’m an less attractive man than a woman like you would date: I think less attractive men because of the stereotypes given to them such as fat ones have more stress and they made up the nail thing because it feels better when you’re too stressed to feel the entire effects. If it has a messy shirt it may like nails.
2 teh_minister // Feb 22, 2008 at 8:03 pm
Mostly I find this site to be Cosmo-esque (that is *not* a compliment, by the by.) This is a very fine article, however.
3 coffee yogurt // Feb 16, 2008 at 10:11 pm
I’m with you on the part about looking back and wishing you knew how to be more adventurous with the great bod of your youth. And too much worry about imperfections. I often see young hotties with their push up bras and wonder if they know what they’ve got or whether they worry because their thighs touch. So now I’m perimenopausal but have multiple orgasms 100% of the time (thanks to an appreciative husband). Give me sags and wrinkles, no contest!