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Chief Executive…Housewife?
How one newlywed woman fell head over heels for housekeeping.
by Kimberly Palmer
Mix in 6 Tablespoons of Self-Esteem
Dinner, if I do say so myself, was fabulous. Mike and Pegg gushed over the creamy garlic sauce. In my last-minute dash to get everything on the table at the same time, I ended up using Paul Newman’s dressing instead of making my own, but no one seemed to mind. By the time I presented the chocolate cake, I felt like a hostess extraordinaire. The day ended much better than it began: With a glass of wine in my hand, a clean apartment surrounding me, and a gourmet meal in my stomach, the relaxing after-effects of a night spent with good friends soothed my mind. Sujay took out the garbage and finished the dishes while I put my feet up.
In the months since that day, I’ve learned to embrace the part of me that wants to be a housewife, instead of suppressing it. I fold my husband’s shirts on occasion, plan and cook almost all of our meals, and clean our apartment. He does plenty around the house, too, but it tends to fall more into the taking-out-the-garbage and fixing-the-car variety. Even my feminist family is impressed and understands that my kitchen adventures in no way undermine my professional ambitions. Over Christmas, my dad showed his support by giving me Crate & Barrel kitchen gadgets.
I’m still no Martha Stewart. I prefer efficiency over extra work and focus on meals that are easily assembled with no special ingredients required. And some weeks are so busy with work that by Friday, our apartment is covered in discarded socks and junk mail. But come Saturday, I dedicate at least a few hours to cleaning and meal planning, which relaxes me as much, or more, than a trip to the spa.
My foray into housekeeping made me realize that I don’t need to choose between my domestic and independent, empowered sides. I can have both; we can all have both. And I like that the kitchen is my domain, especially when the floor is shiny clean and the sink smells like lemon (juice).
Kimberly Palmer is a writer in Washington, D.C. and writes Creating Ms. Perfect (www.creatingmsperfect.blogspot.com), a blog for women.
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1 Kimberly Palmer // Feb 13, 2008 at 10:05 am
Thanks, Donna… yes, I am also curious how I will feel in a few years! And once you add kids to the picture I’m sure it gets much more complicated. The thing that surprised me, though, is that I actually _enjoy_ housework - somehow it is relaxing and grounding to me.
2 Donna // Feb 12, 2008 at 11:23 pm
I’d be really interested in how you feel after a few years of this.
I agree that housekeeping involves specific tasks that are met in quick succession, and that it is satisfying to tick them off the list. However the endless ’round and round and round’ of it all gets to me. You clean the toilet this week, and all is well, but you still need to clean it next week, and the week after, and the week after that… and the same goes for all the other things on the list. At times I see my whole life winding out in front of me as a series of endlessly repeated tasks. I can literally pciture this in my mind - the way you see yourself at the hairdressers with a mirror in front and behind.
I have been married for just over a year, and have been living with my husband for seven years. We view housekeeping as a shared role to which we contribute equally. Our house is clean and tidy but not obsessively so.
I hear where you’re coming from re: the opposition between your domestic and independent, empowered sides and the struggle to reconcile the two. For me the struggle is ongoing.