McCartney Divorce Finale Into Week 2

by Tom Miller

According to analysts and insiders, it looks like Paul McCartney and Heather Mills’ divorce will not end in a settlement. This week begins the final push for something other than a judge’s decision. Mills, at this point, is representing herself with the aid of a legal advisor (though you have to wonder what kind of legal advisor would not advise his client to use a lawyer). At one point in the proceedings, she went into a private audience with the judge and there was speculation that she was going to settle out for about $100 million.

No such luck. This phase of the operation should be sewn up in the next few days with Mr. Justice Bennett’s division of assets due a couple of weeks hence. We’re guessing that he’s going to go home for two weeks, get in some good daytime TV, be tipsy before 1 PM everyday, and come back with an exact split between what Mills is requesting and McCartney is offering, “Based on the, hiccup, the evidence I’ve seen and the countless hours I’ve spent pouring over these docudramas, documents, I believe that the most equitable split would be for Ms. Mills to receive the amount that she is requesting plus the amount Mr. McCartney is offering and divided by two. I don’t have the exact figures in front of me, but I’m sure that the rest of you can work that out. Though it is not custom, I think that I deserve 1% of the total settlement for my sweat, tears, and toil. Good day!”

McCartney’s total fortune is worth about $1.6 billion. At this point, he’s offering $110 million in cash and she’s asking for $160 million in cash and assets. Our guess is that no matter how this turns out that that money will never repair the holes in their hearts because a wise man once said that the love you take is equal to the love you make. Think about it. Read more about last week at the McCartney trial.

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