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Breaking Up The Wrong Way
Bad breakups often result from breaking up the wrong way.
by Sara Troryn
When I went through a devastating breakup from my long-term boyfriend, I expected my friends to humor my misery tolerantly. Anticipating endless evenings of red wine, revenge plans, and the occasional crank call, I was irked to find that my typically caustic friends had morphed into soulless Susie Sunshines, fonts of the kind of condescending self-help dictates I found both conventional and impossible to adhere to.
In my heartbroken state I yearned to do all the “wrong” things: exact brutal revenge, wallow in cynicism, and seek out meaningless shags. My concerned posse, on the other hand, suggested yoga, smiling from the inside, recording my feelings in a journal and going on Platonic dates with young architects in Agnes B suits. Ignoring their advice, I chose the alternate route.
And I can now proudly affirm that I am now purged through bad behavior.
Without further ado, my rulebook for the self-destructive and newly single:
1. Drink a lot
Aside from lowering inhibitions (see number 2) and providing a few memorable evenings that don’t end with you sobbing over old photographs, drinking can help with excessive talking. I discussed my heartbreak over cocktails so incessantly that, after a couple weeks, even I was utterly bored with it. Think of it as therapy with a hangover. In the appropriate setting, drugs could also take the edge off; if I still lived in Northern California I might have gone up to Humboldt and taken mushrooms while playing bongos with a dreadlocked man named Leaf.
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1 Melinda // Apr 12, 2008 at 3:04 pm
I’ve shopped, destroyed his things and i’ve been drunk for three months. I’m still not over it so i’m going to try mindless sex and see if that will help me get over the bastard.
2 Nicci // Apr 12, 2008 at 12:30 pm
Excellent! That has always helped me in the past. Sex with a long time guy friend of mine always helps me lick my wounds and move on. Heheh!
3 B. Potts // Apr 12, 2008 at 10:10 am
LOL funny.
4 narcissict from tx // Mar 2, 2008 at 12:25 am
THANK YOU for your honesty. I am in the verge of breaking up with my 7 yr boyfriend. the few friends i have are so tired of our stories, so i don’t expect nights of wine and “it’s ok cry and get it out” sessions from them. i appreciate your candor and letting the world know that it’s ok to be a little self destructive without going over the deep end! i TOTALLY appreciate having random but safe sex. break shit. shop. thank you thank you thank you sister for not writing the same BS that the magazines do.