The world isn't coming to an end but we still need to know what to do next.
OK. The tabloid news of the day is that Paris Hilton (former-heiress/ entrepreneur/ attention seeker) is dating Benji Madden (of band Good Charlotte/ likely future brother-in-law of Nicole Richie). What does this mean to us? If you’re not into TMZ, E!, VH1, Perez Hilton, the celebrity mags (and their web counterparts), and tabloids (television, print, and online) then this won’t really be much of an inconvenience for you. But for those of you (fine, us) that might like to occasionally check out pictures of Christina’s kid or Britney’s meltdown/ recovery/ meltdown news, this is a major problem.
Scenario 1: It goes for a while and ends badly. We think this is the most likely and possibly most devastating scenario. Once feelings get involved, a split will mean lines drawn in the sand. Paps are going to go on an all-out photo/ audio/ video orgy. No one will be safe. Eventually, Lionel Richie will have to break someone’s face. We’re not sure who. But this could tear B-list Hollywood in half. This would be highly irritating but at least short-lived (like appendicitis).
Scenario 2: The two genuinely hit it off. We’re not odds-makers but this seems mildly improbable. We’re under the impression that her tastes lean toward the absurdly wealthy. But it’s been alleged that she’s anxious for a baby (they are the new boyfriend, after all). And clearly, the Madden men have what it takes for baby making. The problem with this scenario is that it will last a long time. And as long as PH is popping out babies or getting out of limos sans drawers, she’ll keep those shutterbugs in busy. This would be mildly annoying but long term (like tennis elbow).
Scenario 3: It’s just a fling. Maybe Hilton and Benji Madden feel a little overshadowed by their best friend and brother, respectively. Maybe a little shine will help. But they’ll ultimately realize that they’re better off as friends. This is the best case and least likely scenario. It’s only initially annoying and over quickly (think of a jammed finger).
It would be crazy if PH and Nicole Richie both ended up married to a Madden Brother, that would be begging for a reality show. Some exec at E! is probably sacrificing cattle as we speak. Hilton once said that she thinks Nicole Richie will be the ‘best mom.’ We’re wondering if she is hoping for a reciprocating shout-out.