Dumbledore Is Totally NOT Gay

by Tom Miller

There was a lot of brouhaha about the announcement a few months ago when JK Rowling (England’s richest woman) said that the Hogwarts Headmaster was into dudes. We’re not sure if she was looking for a shot of attention after closing down the Harry Potter franchise or what. But it appears that there is definitive proof to the contrary. Fine. The actor who plays him, Sir Michael Gambon (not Michael Chabon, he wrote Wonder Boys) is the opposite of gay. So not gay, in fact, that he might be suspect.

The UK paper the Daily Mail should start a new section called “Stars: They Are Nothing Like Us.” They were the ones that did a bit of digging on Tilda Swinton’s, uh, arrangement. And they’ve revealed that Michael Gambon has got a similar deal. He’s been married to the same woman (Lady Anne) for 45 years but also has a 40-some year old lady friend. And rather than this being a major sticking point, Lady Anne appears to be cool with it. When he’s in London, Gambon hangs out with Phillipa Hart (who appears to have borne Sir Michael a child). When at home, he’s a regular husband. Gambon is said to be worn out with his busy work schedule and husbandly duties.

It’s said that all of our private lives would appear grotesque if seen by outsiders, maybe that’s true. Maybe a non-monogamous relationship isn’t so unusual. When asked for a comment, every wannabe mafiaso said, “Hey, who don’t have a little somethin’ on the side, ehhh!”

Read more about the fascinating life of Sir Michael Gambon at the Daily Mail…