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The (Open) Marriage Contract
If you design your marriage as a business, what does the contract look like?
by Dan Eldridge
Our hero gets engaged to the girl of his dreams, a friend of a friend who just so happens to hate the concept of marriage, and who prefers the convenience of an open relationship. Here, how the “marriage contract” materialized.
As a freelance journalist, I’m constantly on the lookout for good ideas. Sometimes they come to me in the middle of a shower, or during a walk. But not so long ago, the woman I refer to alternately as my “life partner” or my fiancée, Carrie, stumbled upon an especially bright idea after becoming the unfortunate recipient of an early morning death threat from her then-boyfriend.
The couple’s six-year long relationship had clearly been on its last legs for some time, but their latest ongoing argument—he had borrowed $16,000 from her, but harbored no intention to repay—had been turning increasingly vicious.
“If you come after me for your money,” he told her one morning, after returning from a week-long Caribbean vacation, “I’ll fucking kill you, bitch! I’ll put you in a hole!”
And that was when Carrie realized something awful: She was most likely never going to see her money again. After all, did she really want to take him to court after a threat like that? And besides, the two had never gotten married, so what legal ground did she have to stand on? They did own a home together. But a Common Law Marriage defense probably wouldn’t help, because they also had an open relationship. In fact, Carrie had been spending more nights at my house lately than she had at her own. Legally speaking, she was screwed.
After a few months had passed, Carrie and I made the decision to spend the rest of our lives together. But because we’ve decided to do so without getting legally married (see Marriage Without Monogamy), a prenuptial agreement is obviously out of the question. And yet neither one of us likes the idea of building a life together without any sort of financial protection, especially after that harrowing ordeal with the ex, who, by the way, still hasn’t bothered to return Carrie’s $16,000.
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1 BIlly // Jul 21, 2008 at 7:35 pm
Actually Mike, I don’t think you get it. I came to non-monogamy after 8 years of marriage, as kind of a last resort, and things have never been better. We didn’t do anything extra-marital for over a year after deciding to open things up, but just changing away from a traditionalist jealousy-based relationship made for far more honest and open communication. I think there are as many ways to give yourself to another person as there are different types of people, and we shouldn’t be so closed off to what might be a better option for many.
2 Mike // Mar 7, 2008 at 9:18 am
Theres something your easily missing. Its not about the term marriage or monogamy. Its about 2 people. If you love someone enough while it is in your nature to flirt and fantasize. It is your commitment to the other person that sees you through. You dont seem to realize that your trivializing ALL your relationships, and obviously you put minimal thought into entering into a new one. If you do your research while car shopping and you spend your time to actually learn about the cars before you get into them, you determine your budget gas millage and all other important considerations (such as I really like that car) you will be much happier committing to that car then with some used lemon that went for really cheap.
Did you go for her just for her looks and the fact you could get in her pants? It looks like your to conservative to think that you can just have sex and not form a relationship, but to liberal to think that maybe you should have gotten to know her before hopping into the sack.
Historically this relationship has been called having a Mistress or Concubines. It nothing new, but the terms aren’t Politically correct. Those relationships were just about sex and not commitment, but often they led to commitment but not marriage.
Youve jaded yourselves so badly by constantly looking for easy relationships you never knew how to be picky enough to find one you will actually enjoy being with. Then by some stroke of luck (assuming you 2 are actually compatible for more then 5 years) you find someone you enjoy being with for themselves you don’t know how to handle this different type of relationship. Sad to say you’ve never had a successful relationship. Good luck, but try to think outside the box, Sometimes love lasts a lifetime, don’t sell yourself short. Prevent defense never works. But Manning to Tyree is forever.
3 welltempered // Mar 4, 2008 at 5:45 am
Every man says they will not get married. My guess is you’ll be married by years end.
4 JonnyHairdont // Mar 3, 2008 at 2:27 pm
This is a great, progressive idea. But aren’t holding companies taxable?