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The (Open) Marriage Contract
If you design your marriage as a business, what does the contract look like?
by Dan Eldridge
And that’s to say nothing of her furniture and art collection, which is worth many thousands of dollars more, and is today sitting unused in a self-storage facility. Guess who has the only key? (Hint: Not us.)
I suppose there’s more than a little irony in the very conservative solution Carrie and I eventually settled on, which was to launch a holding company—an organization, in other words, that will exist purely for the purpose of “holding” the goods and monies we’ve chosen to co-own as a couple. (In the instance of a break-up, the company will be split 50-50.)
Carrie, after all, is a graphic designer who took a grand total of two business classes during her art school days. I’m a former rock critic who still occasionally eats cereal for dinner. And being that we’re both self-employed, we’ve each been known to work in our pajamas for days at a stretch. I suppose the point I’m trying to make here is that I didn’t have the slightest idea what a holding company was until I eventually looked it up on Wikipedia.
And just for the record: As of this writing, we haven’t actually gotten around to filing the papers that will make our company legal. And yet the idea itself has already proven to be profitable, at least in the realm of friendly conversation; everyone we’ve spoken to about our company seems fascinated, if also a little confused: So … instead of getting married, you’re starting a business? Oh-kay.
But I won’t kid myself. I imagine that at some point in the near future, I’ll explain our alternative marriage arrangement to someone who will laugh and look down on us. Someone who will assume that because we’re refusing to become members of the status quo marriage culture, we must be dreamers, and therefore foolish and destined to fail. And when that happens, I’ll tell that person the very same thing Carrie told me when I asked her to explain, in the simplest way possible, what this crazy idea meant to her.
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1 BIlly // Jul 21, 2008 at 7:35 pm
Actually Mike, I don’t think you get it. I came to non-monogamy after 8 years of marriage, as kind of a last resort, and things have never been better. We didn’t do anything extra-marital for over a year after deciding to open things up, but just changing away from a traditionalist jealousy-based relationship made for far more honest and open communication. I think there are as many ways to give yourself to another person as there are different types of people, and we shouldn’t be so closed off to what might be a better option for many.
2 Mike // Mar 7, 2008 at 9:18 am
Theres something your easily missing. Its not about the term marriage or monogamy. Its about 2 people. If you love someone enough while it is in your nature to flirt and fantasize. It is your commitment to the other person that sees you through. You dont seem to realize that your trivializing ALL your relationships, and obviously you put minimal thought into entering into a new one. If you do your research while car shopping and you spend your time to actually learn about the cars before you get into them, you determine your budget gas millage and all other important considerations (such as I really like that car) you will be much happier committing to that car then with some used lemon that went for really cheap.
Did you go for her just for her looks and the fact you could get in her pants? It looks like your to conservative to think that you can just have sex and not form a relationship, but to liberal to think that maybe you should have gotten to know her before hopping into the sack.
Historically this relationship has been called having a Mistress or Concubines. It nothing new, but the terms aren’t Politically correct. Those relationships were just about sex and not commitment, but often they led to commitment but not marriage.
Youve jaded yourselves so badly by constantly looking for easy relationships you never knew how to be picky enough to find one you will actually enjoy being with. Then by some stroke of luck (assuming you 2 are actually compatible for more then 5 years) you find someone you enjoy being with for themselves you don’t know how to handle this different type of relationship. Sad to say you’ve never had a successful relationship. Good luck, but try to think outside the box, Sometimes love lasts a lifetime, don’t sell yourself short. Prevent defense never works. But Manning to Tyree is forever.
3 welltempered // Mar 4, 2008 at 5:45 am
Every man says they will not get married. My guess is you’ll be married by years end.
4 JonnyHairdont // Mar 3, 2008 at 2:27 pm
This is a great, progressive idea. But aren’t holding companies taxable?