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My Boyfriend Cheated On Me With Hookers
One woman grapples with finding out she was betrayed when he paid for sex.
by Rachel Kramer Bussel
I’d had a long day; fresh from a family funeral in Connecticut, I was back in Manhattan. I’d been helping a friend pack, waiting for my boyfriend of six weeks to get home so I could sleep at his place. Finally, we were in his apartment and did what we normally did: have frantic, hot, wonderful sex. Then he fell asleep.
I had work to do so I went quietly into the living room. I was having trouble getting online with my laptop, so I logged into my email account using his. At least, I tried to. When I went to gmail.com, his inbox popped up.
This is not my proudest moment. I started reading. Snooping, if you will. His inbox yielded nothing, but I was still curious. I wanted to see what, if anything, he was telling his friends about me. I wanted to get some clue as to whether or not I was a long-term prospect because I was smitten—already dreaming of having his babies.
I don’t know what I expected to find, but it certainly wasn’t the numerous “Massage in fifteen minutes?” messages sent from him to random Craigslist addresses. My first thought wasn’t shock so much as rationalization. I thought maybe he really was getting massages; regular people do that. I couldn’t equate the man I knew with the person whose hidden side I was getting a peek at.
I kept going, and my stomach dropped as I realized that “massage” was simply Internet parlance for sex. All the time we’d been together, when he’d refused to use condoms—until I finally went on the Pill—he’d been hiring, or trying to hire, hookers. I could tell at least one of his attempts had been successful; a woman emailed back to say that he’d left a piece of jewelry behind with her. Another response, from an escort site which I promptly visited, made the imagery all too real.
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1 Virgil Kane // Apr 21, 2008 at 4:22 pm
no fret girl your better off- I use a prostitute 2 times a month- I’m single but have needs baby and a man likes variety-sorry to say his love wasn’t skin deep
2 Genny // Apr 19, 2008 at 7:37 am
This woman has a six week relationship with a man and expects him to love her completely. Please this is just ridiculous.
I cannot believe she went through his emails. It is just horrible. There is a notion of trust.
The reason he didn’t try to work-out anything with her is because he could not trust her.
Now, she believe she is justified because she caught him, but what did she catch. She caught him going to a prostitute. She wants to calm her insecurities by saying that a prostitute is far worse than a mistress, other woman or new love, well she is wrong. She is so wrong that she has no understanding.
If a man has another woman he shares his life with and not just sex than he doesn’t care for the writer. A prostitute is only sex. He has a compulsion and need, so instead of using his hand he calls a hooker.
Grow-up and understand a six week relationship is nothing. You have no right to invade someone’s personal space. Finally, he never said he loved you, so you are very off base for a true committed relationship.
3 Gene // Mar 26, 2008 at 6:10 pm
Women need to get their heads out of romance novels and wake up to the fact that real reason men generally want to be with women is simply SEX.Why do they take women out for dinner and a movie? Sex. Why do they get dressed up to go out? To get sex. Why get married? Easy and supposedly consistent access to sex.
That said, men *do* also value security and love, but those come AFTER sex.
4 Mom // Mar 19, 2008 at 11:47 pm
Troye is wrong. It is not the woman’s responsibility to try to figure out why her man cheated. It’s the cheater’s responsibility alone. Don’t accept that sexist bull!
Personally, I have dealt with all of the things that Troye has cited as excusable causes for cheating: prudish men, men who need to be praised and petted before sex, men who need to be seduced instead of just being ready when I am, on and on. However, I have never cheated. It’s not because I have a different set of hormones; it’s not because my partners were deserving of my faith (they have never been). It’s simply because it is not in my character to cheat.
Take home point: It is not the woman’s responsibility to shape a grown man’s character. Either his mama brought him up right or she didn’t. It’s not your problem; there’s nothing wrong with you. He needs either some psychological counseling or a moral compass. End of story.
5 Troye // Mar 13, 2008 at 2:27 pm
Oh yeah, some diggers might be stopping by today.
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