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My Boyfriend Cheated On Me With Hookers
One woman grapples with finding out she was betrayed when he paid for sex.
by Rachel Kramer Bussel
And I had just told him I loved him. In a card, but still, I wanted him to know. “You have my heart,” I wrote inside an image of that bloody, messy, complex organ. It was early, but things seemed to be moving along quickly—for me, anyway. So he knew how I felt about him and was somehow compelled to do this anyway. It didn’t make any sense. Was he a sex addict, I wondered. Did he even care about me at all?
I stayed up all night that night, unable to sleep or work or even think. I couldn’t believe that the nice Jewish guy I was falling so hard for, the one with the high-powered job and Upper West Side apartment, who could be so sweet and tender, was doing this. I felt disgusted.
I didn’t say anything to him the next morning. I just gathered what little I’d stored at his place and left. It all felt like a dream—especially since I was so overtired. When I finally confronted him a few days later, he told me it “had nothing to do with me.” I was stunned all over again by the realization that he could rationalize it that way. If that were true, his ability to compartmentalize sex—something he also engaged in with me—made me realize we would never have worked in the long-term.
In the months afterward, I was very angry. I felt betrayed and sick to my stomach, and there are times now when I still do. In my weaker moments, I’d visit the page of the escort I knew he’d corresponded with and stare at the girl I saw on the screen, wondering what her life was like, whether they ever met, and if so, what he did with her. I was convinced that if I could just figure out why he chose this behavior, I could figure him out.
When I repeated this to a friend, she said to me, “But you would do anything.” Meaning anything sexual. And, yes, that’s probably true. I’m not known for my sexual reticence. But the more I pondered it, the more I realized it very likely wasn’t about performing some specific sexual act. It was about doing so with someone who didn’t know him, didn’t care about him, and didn’t want to; someone with no expectations, no strings.
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1 Rich // Jun 13, 2008 at 11:18 am
Six week is not a relationship yet….and the snooping through his email sorry dear is in excusable. Sorry but actually you are the one in the wrong the snooping and reading private email is wrong. Granted i am not condoning nor condemning his behavior it just that your invasion of privacy is far worse that visiting some escorts.
2 Sugar // Jun 12, 2008 at 5:11 pm
Wow, sweetie, you are quite delusional! DId you ever consider maybe the reason he frequented paramours was because he doesn’t like the attatchment, obligation, and responsibilities of a real relationship? Personally, I agree with Gene. It would be much more offensive to me if my significant other was actually dating a woman, (i.e. taking her out to dinners/dates, introducing her to friends/family…etc…), as opposed to if he was simply satisfying his urges. My mom always used to say “women want everything from 1 man, men just want 1 thing from every woman.” And it’s not snooping thru their personal shit, and invading their privacy; that’s for sure!
If anything, you did nothing short of reinforcing his reasoning to see escorts.
3 enigma.hope // May 25, 2008 at 9:03 pm
Did you get tested for STD’s and HIV after you ended the relationship.
4 Virgil Kane // Apr 21, 2008 at 4:22 pm
no fret girl your better off- I use a prostitute 2 times a month- I’m single but have needs baby and a man likes variety-sorry to say his love wasn’t skin deep
5 Genny // Apr 19, 2008 at 7:37 am
This woman has a six week relationship with a man and expects him to love her completely. Please this is just ridiculous.
I cannot believe she went through his emails. It is just horrible. There is a notion of trust.
The reason he didn’t try to work-out anything with her is because he could not trust her.
Now, she believe she is justified because she caught him, but what did she catch. She caught him going to a prostitute. She wants to calm her insecurities by saying that a prostitute is far worse than a mistress, other woman or new love, well she is wrong. She is so wrong that she has no understanding.
If a man has another woman he shares his life with and not just sex than he doesn’t care for the writer. A prostitute is only sex. He has a compulsion and need, so instead of using his hand he calls a hooker.
Grow-up and understand a six week relationship is nothing. You have no right to invade someone’s personal space. Finally, he never said he loved you, so you are very off base for a true committed relationship.
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