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How Snooping Helped Me Survive Divorce
Reading his diary helped liberate me from our marriage—after he left.
by Jane Warshaw
Two weeks before my 40th birthday, my husband of five years told me he wanted to be with a woman he worked with at Citibank more than he wanted to be with me and our 14-month-old daughter.
I was nearly paralyzed with fear. How was I going to make it as a single parent? What was I going to do? I was becoming thinner by the minute. My size 8 clothes hung off of me, but there was no one to care or tease me that there was finally room for my shirt and rear end to share a pair of pants again.
Then one evening while sitting on the edge of the bed staring at walls papered in yellow and white stripes, my eyes wandered to the bookshelves in our bedroom, and that was when I saw it. He’d not only left me, he’d left his journal, too. I thought I’d never read anyone else’s diary; I had too much respect for other people’s privacy. I guess I didn’t know myself as well as I thought I did because I barely hesitated a nanosecond before I grabbed it and began reading.
I flipped through the pages about trout fishing and tying flies made from dog hair. My husband was a tall, good-looking WASP who liked outdoorsy things, and owned his own waders and pricey fishing rods. He even belonged to a fly-fishing club that met in some landmark building downtown.
Then I came to a page where I was the subject. He wrote about what he called my “peasant hands,” which he said I “called attention to by wearing a lot of rings.” Peasant hands? Did he mean I had short fat fingers? I wore a size five ring. That didn’t seem short and fat to me. I actually thought I had nice hands; I had a manicure every week. Of course, my father’s family were Russian Jews; my grandfather had fled the czar’s army. Was that what he meant when he wrote about the peasant part of me?
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1 Jane Warshaw // Sep 23, 2008 at 12:39 pm
To Kerrie Stone.
No you’re not the other woman. And this took place in New York City. He ended up marrying her and seems to be happy. Oh well…..
2 Bonita Banker // Aug 15, 2008 at 10:19 am
Contrary to popular belief, the investment banking field is largely WASP-y, like national politics. The Mayflower contingent still makes some waves in the American northeast. Oh, and I’m on the fence about reading someone’s diary or a man keeping a diary. Best of luck, Jane.
3 ela // Aug 15, 2008 at 6:00 am
a WASP that works at citibank?
4 Kerrie Stone // Apr 26, 2008 at 5:57 pm
I waas that other woman she was referring to. I called his wife to let her know that I wanted to end the relationship, that was just the beginning of a horrible experiance. I had been with him for two years, best friend for seven. he talked about me like I was a dog. His wife deserves him!!!! Oh by the way ladies, look out for Charles E. Harris III of Owensboro, Ky.