Hidden Camera: Good For Your Sex Life?

by Blane Bachelor

The other famous one, because it was so dramatic, was with a woman who was around 24, and every time [her boyfriend] tried to put his arm around her to make a move, she would just fling it off. I remember asking her, “How do you say no to sex?” And she said, “Well, I’m really nice about it. I’m firm, but I’m nice.” But we had videos of her basically backslapping him across the room. You may be under a total delusion about what you are doing, but, as they say, the camera never lies. And it really doesn’t. It’s kind of hard to argue the point.

Did the camera illuminate any unexpected differences between men and women with regard to sex?

The thing that struck me was how much more often the women wanted sex than men. I’m a victim, too, of the whole stereotype that men need a place, and women need a reason. But anytime you see a stereotype turned upside down, it’s interesting to see. Watching the men feeling harassed and pressured by their girlfriends and wives to have sex—it was a little bit jarring.

Why? Simply because our society implies that men should be the instigators?

That’s certainly part of it, but what I think also sticks in my head is that we had some women on the show who were absolutely relentless when it came to sex. One of them would literally grab her boyfriend’s ass and grope him and literally beg for it all the time. When we showed her that footage, she couldn’t believe how unflattering it was to her, and how much pressure it was putting on her boyfriend.

And what would you advise with that sort of difference in libido levels?

Some people just have higher libidos than others, and that’s the number one difficulty couples have in the bedroom – syncing up their sex drives. My first advice is always to increase the self-service, because that will take the edge off. And the other thing that helps is to become your partner’s version of a great lover, not your version of a great lover. You have to ask questions like, what does your partner like? You won’t believe how many people can’t answer that question. You wouldn’t believe how many people don’t know where their partner likes to be touched the most, or kissed, or whatever.