Jay-Z & Beyonce Get Marriage License

by Tom Miller

According to CBS News in Jacksonville, Jay-Z (AKA Shawn Carter, AKA Jigga, AKA Iceberg Slim, AKA J-Hova, AKA Joe Camel) and Beyonce Knowles (“I don’t think you’re ready for this!”) have obtained a marriage license in the New York city of Scarsdale. According to NY law, they have 60 days to get hitched. Scarsdale is a northern suburb of NYC.

These guys have come a long way. They’ve basically been together for 6 years but really have been reluctant to talk about/admit it. Who did they think they were fooling? After their 2003 duet of “Bonnie and Clyde,” it was pretty apparent. And later in the year they had a song together called “Crazy In Love,” we’re perfectly able to separate art from real life but come-on. We’re surprised that this thing could work out after Jay put Destiny’s Child on blast* on the remix of Missy Eliot’s “One Minute Man” where he raps, “Get your independent ass outta here, question?” in reference to Destiny’s Child’s song “Independent Woman.”

Maybe this is what it takes to get Beyonce going. Maybe a little verbal abuse and then pretending that you’re not dating is something that tickles her fancy. In that case, she probably should have gone to college, lots of dudes there that would be up for that. And if this thing with Jay-Z falls through, she could date Spencer Pratt. These guys also have a duet album coming out in spring, so J-Lo and Marc Anthony look out. We just hope that Chris Brown and Rihanna don’t think they can get away with this are they-aren’t they crap for 6 years.