Why Men Need You To Groom Them

by Jonathan Bender

“You’ve been using this on your feet for weeks? I’ve been putting it on my lips!” she squealed in disgust.

Her reaction, while understandable, was not-so-positive conditioning that likely set his grooming habits back for years.

It’s a fact that, since the cancellation of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy in October of 2007, men have been searching for a few good style guides. I, for example, am still looking for someone who can manage to give me a haircut that doesn’t make me look like I’m wearing a toupee.

The irony. But until I find that barber—or wake up willing to pay more than $12 for a trim—I, like my fellow menfolk, am just so much hairy clay, waiting to be shaped by well-manicured hands.