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Open Relationship Dos and Dont’s
Is it still an open relationship if you’re restricted by a long list of rules?
by Dan Eldridge
So I took a deep breath, and started telling my story. Nazim’s eyes got bigger and bigger. He was clearly entranced. But his wife had a look on her face that I’ve probably seen a hundred times before, from a hundred different women. It said: “I thought you were different. But you’re just like every other guy—completely obsessed with sex.”
Eventually, I finished the story. Nazim glanced quickly at his wife. And then he fixed his eyes on me, and he said this: “That sounds perfect! You have sex with anyone?” The look on his face was priceless. He was like a small child in a toy store. It was as if he’d never before considered this concept of non-monogamy—as if it simply hadn’t ever crossed his mind.
“No, no, no,” said his wife, shaking her head back and forth, and looking at her husband with pursed lips. “We’re not going to be doing anything like that.” And then she shot me another look, as if to say, “Thanks a lot, asshole.” But Nazim was still smiling, and looking dreamily into space. This wasn’t going the way I expected it to. I decided to backpedal.
“Well…” I said, looking straight ahead at Nazim. “It’s not like I just run around having sex with everyone. I mean, we have rules, obviously.” Nazim’s forehead began to wrinkle. He didn’t appear to be pleased with this turn of events. And so I pressed on: “For one thing,” I said, “we’re not allowed to fall in love. If we sleep with anyone else, it’s just supposed to be a fling. Just a one-time thing. We can’t get emotionally attached, and if we do, we have to cut it off immediately.”
Nazim was listening with rapt attention now, and his mouth was hanging open, ever so slightly.
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1 Lance // Jul 24, 2008 at 9:28 pm
Great piece Dan, I’m going to go back and read all your stuff. I’ve been doing a lot of blogging lately about open relationships and I’m glad I found this.
2 Dan Eldridge // May 30, 2008 at 8:48 pm
You’re absolutely right, “Jeepers”. My comment was absolutely uncalled for. I think maybe I hadn’t taken my meds when I wrote that, or something. Keep those mean-spirited remarks coming, people!
3 Jeepers // May 30, 2008 at 1:19 pm
Sheesh, speaking of “people whose buttons are so easy to push.” Deep breaths, Dan.
4 Dan Eldridge // May 26, 2008 at 11:19 am
Nice try, genius, but that’s not what I wrote AT ALL. I didn’t even use the word “most”. The word was “many”. And if you would have taken two or three seconds to read the sentence that came before that word, you’d also see that I was referring to “deeply religious people,” and not Muslims themselves. You might have picked up on that because, after all, I did place the qualifying phrase “deeply religious people” before the word “Muslims”.
But like all deeply religious people, who for eons have been taking words and phrases *entirely out of context* in order to suit their own purposes or small-minded beliefs, you took *my* phrase entirely out of context. And what’s more, you even inserted a word of your own! (I didn’t use the word “most” — the word was “many”. And as I’m sure you know, those two words have very different meanings.)
But like all religious zealots who care only about advancing their own shallow, sheltered beliefs, you managed to entirely twist the meaning of my essay - and you even inserted your own word! - to advance your ass-backwards cause. Way to go, jackass.
Just remember: People like you are the *problem* in this world. And people like you are the primary reason we will always need solutions.
5 Karen // Apr 30, 2008 at 2:08 pm
Most Muslims have no sense of humor? Wow. So there’s the last time I’ll be stopping by Tango.
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