|
Open Relationship Dos and Dont’s
Is it still an open relationship if you’re restricted by a long list of rules?
by Dan Eldridge
“Also,” I said, “there aren’t allowed to be any secrets. If I’m planning a date, I have to tell her about it. And if the date ends up leading to sex, I have to tell her about that, too.” Nazim nodded slowly. He was transfixed. I decided to go in for the kill. “And the worst part,” I told him, “is that I always have to wear a condom. Always. Carrie told me that if I ever have sex with someone and I don’t use a condom, she’ll never sleep with me again. Which sucks, because I cannot stand condoms. You know what I mean?”
At this point, Nazim and his wife both seemed to be in a state of semi-shock. Nazim changed the subject immediately, which was probably wise, seeing as his wife was digging her fork so hard into her dinner plate that I almost expected the tongs to snap off. And then Nazim said something that made me question the very nature of my open relationship, which up until then I had thought of as nothing less than revolutionary. “That doesn’t sound like much of an open relationship,” he said. “With all the rules and everything.”
I was speechless.
After that evening, it was discernibly clear that none of us were eager to bring up the subject again. And then a few days later, Nazim’s wife asked if I was interested in coming to their house at some point for drinks. I couldn’t help myself: For the next few days, I fantasized that Nazim wouldn’t be home when I stopped by, and that his wife had organized the whole thing because she was turned on by my open relationship story, and wanted me to seduce her. But of course that wasn’t the case. She did feed me a half-dozen bottles of beer, but the three of us ended up passing the night around a dining room table, talking and looking at old photo albums.
I never did get a chance to talk about all the intricacies and rules and regulations of my open relationship with Nazim. I wasn’t able to explain to him that if it weren’t for the rules, and the willingness of two people to respect each other by following those rules, alternative relationships would simply self-destruct. It would be relationship anarchy. And for that matter, “rules” is probably not the most accurate descriptor of the guidelines that Carrie and I live by, because they’re certainly allowed to be bent, assuming the circumstances require that. Occasionally, the rules are even broken. And sometimes that’s ok, too. After all, every hook-up is different than the one that came before, and so with that in mind, all romantic and sexual encounters should probably be judged independently of one another.
  (13 votes, average: 4.38 out of 5) Loading ... |
Email to a Friend
Share on Facebook
Digg It
Delicious
Newsvine
Stumble
Reddit
1 Lance // Jul 24, 2008 at 9:28 pm
Great piece Dan, I’m going to go back and read all your stuff. I’ve been doing a lot of blogging lately about open relationships and I’m glad I found this.
2 Dan Eldridge // May 30, 2008 at 8:48 pm
You’re absolutely right, “Jeepers”. My comment was absolutely uncalled for. I think maybe I hadn’t taken my meds when I wrote that, or something. Keep those mean-spirited remarks coming, people!
3 Jeepers // May 30, 2008 at 1:19 pm
Sheesh, speaking of “people whose buttons are so easy to push.” Deep breaths, Dan.
4 Dan Eldridge // May 26, 2008 at 11:19 am
Nice try, genius, but that’s not what I wrote AT ALL. I didn’t even use the word “most”. The word was “many”. And if you would have taken two or three seconds to read the sentence that came before that word, you’d also see that I was referring to “deeply religious people,” and not Muslims themselves. You might have picked up on that because, after all, I did place the qualifying phrase “deeply religious people” before the word “Muslims”.
But like all deeply religious people, who for eons have been taking words and phrases *entirely out of context* in order to suit their own purposes or small-minded beliefs, you took *my* phrase entirely out of context. And what’s more, you even inserted a word of your own! (I didn’t use the word “most” — the word was “many”. And as I’m sure you know, those two words have very different meanings.)
But like all religious zealots who care only about advancing their own shallow, sheltered beliefs, you managed to entirely twist the meaning of my essay - and you even inserted your own word! - to advance your ass-backwards cause. Way to go, jackass.
Just remember: People like you are the *problem* in this world. And people like you are the primary reason we will always need solutions.
5 Karen // Apr 30, 2008 at 2:08 pm
Most Muslims have no sense of humor? Wow. So there’s the last time I’ll be stopping by Tango.
Read All 6 Comments on Open Relationship Dos and Dont's