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Open Relationship Dos and Dont’s
Is it still an open relationship if you’re restricted by a long list of rules?
by Dan Eldridge
2. Talk about it before it happens.
This isn’t a rule I would necessarily recommend for every open couple, but it does work well for us. The idea is that if one of us is planning a date, we don’t keep that information secret. We talk about it first, preferably long before it actually happens. The idea is to keep jealousy at bay. And of course, the more personal details you learn about your partner’s one-night-stand, the more you realize how similar that person probably is to everyone else—even you. Then again, sometimes this rule is impractical. Assuming you meet someone in a bar, and then choose to go home with them that same night, it would probably be inadvisable to send your girlfriend the details via text message.
Throughout Taormino’s research for Opening Up, she met numerous couples with unusual rules. But no matter how kinky or unusual your own behavior may seem, the important thing is communication. Taormino, for instance, met many couples who would not allow anyone else in their matrimonial bed. “Which is sort of symbolic and literal,” she said. “It’s their bed, and they’re not going to fuck other people in it. But then other people were like, ‘Whatever. I’ll sleep in the guest room.’”
3. It’s always best when everyone meets each other.
This is probably my favorite rule of all, even though it’s really nothing more than an extension of the previous rule. The general idea is to keep things friendly, and to keep everyone in the loop about who’s doing what with whom, and why. Carrie and I have practiced this rule in the past by meeting up for drinks with girls I’m interested in. And there’s a hidden benefit: When three sexually progressive people drink beer together, sparks can occasionally fly in unexpected directions, if you know what I mean.
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1 Lance // Jul 24, 2008 at 9:28 pm
Great piece Dan, I’m going to go back and read all your stuff. I’ve been doing a lot of blogging lately about open relationships and I’m glad I found this.
2 Dan Eldridge // May 30, 2008 at 8:48 pm
You’re absolutely right, “Jeepers”. My comment was absolutely uncalled for. I think maybe I hadn’t taken my meds when I wrote that, or something. Keep those mean-spirited remarks coming, people!
3 Jeepers // May 30, 2008 at 1:19 pm
Sheesh, speaking of “people whose buttons are so easy to push.” Deep breaths, Dan.
4 Dan Eldridge // May 26, 2008 at 11:19 am
Nice try, genius, but that’s not what I wrote AT ALL. I didn’t even use the word “most”. The word was “many”. And if you would have taken two or three seconds to read the sentence that came before that word, you’d also see that I was referring to “deeply religious people,” and not Muslims themselves. You might have picked up on that because, after all, I did place the qualifying phrase “deeply religious people” before the word “Muslims”.
But like all deeply religious people, who for eons have been taking words and phrases *entirely out of context* in order to suit their own purposes or small-minded beliefs, you took *my* phrase entirely out of context. And what’s more, you even inserted a word of your own! (I didn’t use the word “most” — the word was “many”. And as I’m sure you know, those two words have very different meanings.)
But like all religious zealots who care only about advancing their own shallow, sheltered beliefs, you managed to entirely twist the meaning of my essay - and you even inserted your own word! - to advance your ass-backwards cause. Way to go, jackass.
Just remember: People like you are the *problem* in this world. And people like you are the primary reason we will always need solutions.
5 Karen // Apr 30, 2008 at 2:08 pm
Most Muslims have no sense of humor? Wow. So there’s the last time I’ll be stopping by Tango.
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