Why “Wife” Is A Dirty Word

by Jeanann Pannasch

“What’s that?”

“Oh, that’s when the pressure of the baby on your bladder causes you to pee a little bit when you sneeze,” I cheerfully informed him.

No wonder Andrew thinks it’s okay to talk about the goings-on on the other side of the door now. Once you’ve admitted to peeing your pants, it’s tough to close the floodgates. The problem being: These discussions are the opposite of hot. Not to mention that Sadie is a solid sleeper, and my maternity clothes were deep-sixed long ago, so hello, I’m ready for hot again.

And now, ever since I uttered it on the ski lift, I keep returning to the idea that, while I may be his wife, I still want to be his girlfriend, too. And I try to think of Andrew as my boyfriend as well as my husband of six years. Fundamentally, I think, the difference is a willingness—or desire—to impress. I’m not saying you need to return to a place of self-consciousness—as if we could. Rather, just a place of thoughtfulness in the way you move around the other person and what you share.

Yes, we want to foster closeness. You want to feel closer to that person than anyone else on earth. But, at the end of the day, sharing everything can do you a disservice. That’s because, come nightfall, you still want to turn that person on. And having a kid means that, on most nights, we don’t have the luxury of moving close on a sweaty dance floor or sharing a heated, late-night cab ride home. We need to find the erotic in the same home where we change dirty diapers.