Eli Manning To Marry This Weekend

by Tom Miller

Super Bowl MVP and all-around aw shucks hero, Eli Manning of the NY Giants, is getting hitched this weekend. Eli and Abby McGrew, his college sweetheart, are going to get married this weekend in Cabo San Lucas. The New York Daily News says they plan on a small affair with a few friends and family members at the famous One&Only Resort and features carriage rides. What are the rules for quarterbacks having weddings? Do they invite the whole team? Just the offensive players? Just the offensive linemen? Maybe David Tyree will leap out of nowhere and catch the bouquet against his head.

Does this really prove that Eli Manning is America’s Hero? You don’t see Tom Brady getting married at a small, intimate wedding. You don’t see Tom Brady getting nervous on the honeymoon because it’s his first time. You do see Tom Brady living in sin Gisele Bundchen, with the most gorgeous woman alive. And you see the Brady Bundch doing it in public wine cellars.

You ride that carriage around the island, Super Bowl Hero. Just watch out for Cabo spring breakers. They will probably piss themselves, literally, if they could share a funnel with Eli Manning like they did with Matt Leinart.