Kanye West: Not Having His Gold Dug

by Tom Miller

“So we gonna do everything that Kan like.” That is why things did not work out with Alexis Phifer. You didn’t hear him rapping about “sex jus’ like Alexis like.” And women pick up on those things, man. Us Weekly is reporting that producer-performer-poor loser Kanye West has split with supermodel fiancee Alexis Phifer. The 2 have been engaged for almost 2 years (which is like 6 years in celebrity time). Reportedly, Kan was the one doing the breaking up.

It looks like he’s gotten quite engrossed in his tour, which is sometimes code for groupies, booze, pills, and powders. The 2 split back in 2004 for a time, so who knows. Anyway, maybe this will fuel a new badass album called Master’s Thesis or Doctoral Dissertation. Either way, Kan has enough self-love to be single for a while (read: several thousand years).