|
Portrait of an Open Marriage. Take Two.
A husband and a girlfriend? An unconventional arrangement that works.
by Jenny Block
“I want you to kiss me,” she said. Funny she should use those words when they so closely echoed mine more than ten years ago. “I want to kiss you,” I had said to my then best friend Sophie Anne. “Me too,” Sophie Anne had said to me then. “Are you sure?” was what I said to Jemma, the girl who was now requesting that I do something that I imagined could change a lot of things for a lot of people. Of course, I never could have known then just how much change it would mean.
I met Jemma at an art gallery. She was curating a show that I was reviewing for the paper. “Can I help you?” she asked. I was standing in front of a massive canvas, taking notes as I took in the colors, textures, and designs. I introduced myself and told her why I was there. “Let me get you a catalog,” she said. When she came back she invited me to the official opening and lecture that night. That was the first of many outings we would go on together. As friends, of course.
She had told me she was straight. “Very straight. I don’t have a problem with it. I just can’t imagine ever being with a girl,” she said when I told her one day that I identified as bisexual. Between that and the fact that she was eleven years my junior, a work contact, and not my type, I never gave a moment’s thought to us ever being more than friends. But after about six months of spending time together, we went away on a weekend trip. I do some travel writing and sometimes can take someone along. It was on that trip that she asked me to kiss her.
“Where is this coming from?” I asked. I couldn’t have been more surprised if she had asked me to rob a bank with her. Here was this straight-laced, adorable, intelligent, young blonde asking me to kiss her. Part of my shock stemmed from the fact that we spent so much of our time together talking about everything, especially about sex and love and relationships. She had been through some rough stuff in that department and had come to me to talk about much of it. So, you would have thought I would have had at least an inkling. But I was as blindsided as a girl could be. Honest to goodness.
“I don’t know. I just know I want you to kiss me,” she said. And I did. That was one year and seven months ago and she has been my girlfriend ever since. I’m still married, of course, and adore my husband, Christopher, as much as ever. But since that very first kiss, I not only haven’t had any other lovers, I also haven’t wanted any either. After my husband and I opened our marriage about five years ago, I had a handful of other lovers. It was fun. And it was exciting. But it was never love. After just a short time with Jemma, I knew it was something different.
 (No Ratings Yet) Loading ... |
Email to a Friend
Share on Facebook
Digg It
Delicious
Newsvine
Stumble
Reddit
1 Ruie // May 8, 2008 at 3:05 pm
Stevo, on the contrary, I think you don’t know what you are talking about. It is really had to say these are the people I love, and even if I’ve lost friends over it, I still love them, and I think that’s right. So, I want to tell you about it. So you understand. But, I don’t think you can understand that it is hard until you’ve been the target of slurs, until you’ve lost friends over who you love. Until you know that someone out there hates you, not for anything about you, but just because you are and you love.
2 Ruie // May 8, 2008 at 2:59 pm
Yes, indeed thank you for writing about this. I really liked this article on you progestin from open marriage to polyamory. It puts you in a fuller context and resonates with me. (Of course, I started out polyamorus, so, that’s clearly what makes sense to me.) Keep being brave!
3 Stevo // May 6, 2008 at 3:49 pm
Anita, you really don’t understand people like Jenny at all. It isnt a matter of her having courage to tell us her story, she feels that it is OUR obligation to know about what goes on in HER life. As though open marriage is some sort of incredibly insightful thing that she alone has realized and we must know. Typical narcissitic b.s. Her thoughts can be summed up simply as “Sex with one person is nice, so sex with more must be better.” If those thoughts warranted a PBS special, then you would have to give my whole senoir class in college one as well.
4 Julie // Apr 30, 2008 at 11:40 pm
Thank you for sharing your story. I struggle with monogamy, and daydream of a healthy polyamorous relationship. I am a bisexual woman in a 6-year relationship with a woman, desiring to reconnect with men and still maintain my primary relationship. Perhaps there’s hope yet…
5 Anita Wagner // Apr 30, 2008 at 2:23 pm
Hey Jenny! It was great fun to learn more about your family and relationships. Every point you make about polyamory and polyamorous relationships is right on. I know sometimes it isn’t easy being so public on such personal issues. People can be very mean-spirited when they comment on polyamory. I have my theories about why that is, and I think it has something to do with the fact that the very idea worries them as to whether their own spouse might think it’s a good idea. Bottom line is that there are really no valid arguments against polyamory, and many good ones for it.
Read All 8 Comments on Portrait of an Open Marriage. Take Two.