Lesbos Residents Want Identity Back

by Tom Miller

We were just browsing the HuffPo (that’s Huffington Post to you, Bill O’Reilly) and bumped into a random bit of ridiculousness. The Greek island of Lesbos is suing a gay rights group over the use of the term ‘Lesbian.’ Evidently, the people of Lesbos are sick (and tired) of having to explain themselves. “Yes, I’m a Lesbian. Ha-ha, double meaning, can we please behave like adults and get to the vote about financing the new, um, levee, Minister Papadopolis?” Though gay female residents of Lesbos probably appreciate the one word descriptor. This could be a power play by the people of Lesbos to get Sapphists to just purchase the island outright.

In a move that is looking fairly prescient, a group of homosexual females already began lobbying to replace ‘lesbian’ with ‘gayelle.’ Which is just awful. Someone needs to make a ruling on this. Maybe Ellen, Melissa Etheridge, Billy Jean King, and Oprah (as a consultant only) can circle up in Northampton, Mass and square things away. In the meantime, let’s not waste the Greek legislature’s time. They still have some back-patting to do from the 2004 Olympics.

In an unrelated story, the League Of Magical Woodland Creatures (LMWC) is suing all English speaking homosexuals over the use of the term ‘fairy.’ They also request that the Pixie haircut be renamed the Sandy Duncan. And you are most welcome for not making a ‘homonym’ joke.