Green Porn?

by Tom Miller

OK. We got the words ‘porno’ and ‘Sundance’ and ‘Isabella Rossellini’ all in the same sentence. Naturally we expected something quite spicy and independent, possibly with a Fellini influence. Ross (from Friends) would probably want to re-redo his list after this (yeah, we’re dorks for knowing that). But it turns out that Isabella Rossellini is just kitted out like Gollum and interpreting the mating rituals of a series of bugs. Oh, it’s green porn. Entomologists, start your boners.

Kinky? Actually, a little bit. We just hope that we never get involved with a preying mantis. Sure it sounds like a cool kung fu style, but the female consumes the male after mating. And that’s not a hilarious way of saying that she swallows, but rather that she eats his honky ass.

Anyway, learn about the wonderful world of insect sex at the Sundance Channel starting Monday, May 5th (the crickets in the background make it fun). There are a few moves in there that we’re thinking about trying out. It makes it a lot easier seeing this insect porn performed by human-shaped actors, we don’t got six legs. We do picture Rossellini and Jack Donaghy trying every single one of these crazy things, costumes and all. This could prevent him from getting that Homeland Security job if word gets out.