Mariah & Nick Cannon Got Hitched?

by Tom Miller

The media (particularly E!Online) is reporting that Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey were semi-secretly married on Wednesday April 30. “How about that?” Is our first response. We were just getting used to the idea that these two could possibly be dating. It’s been a whirlwind, you know. We always thought that she and Jerry O’Connell would make a nice couple, based on the ‘Heartbreaker’ video.

Anyway, reports suggest that the two were wed at Mariah’s private estate on Windermere Island (The Bahamas). Not much else to say, uh, Da Brat was there. So that was good. Oh, we heard that the engagement ring that Mariah has was once given to Nick Cannon’s ex Selita Ebanks (which is one of those names that looks like it would be difficult to say aloud).

The image above sort of screams, “what have I gotten myself into,” but every wedding album has one of those. And after checking out a few clips of Nick’s show Wild N Out, we think he’s pretty funny (maybe not hilarious like Dave Chappelle’s son says but funnier than Carlos Mencia). And being funny and in shape is the best way to land a good-looking, slightly crazy, wealthy older gal. Which also explains the Demi Moore-Ashton Kutcher deal. Wait, is this just a put-on by Kutcher’s Pop Fiction? Hmm.

Note to self: In the event that this is not a hoax, get in shape and get ‘funny’ just in case Katie Couric becomes available.