Ashlee & Pete Bump Up Wed Date

by Tom Miller

OK. This is getting pretty irritating. The dude(s) at The Superficial is reporting that Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz are ambling their sweet asses to the altar as early as next week. Good effort. This is still in rumor mode, as is the rumor that Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo got engaged and planned on marrying before Ashlee. But that’s going to be a little tough now. The Superficial regards the whole affair as a shotgun wedding sitch, but we have a much uglier term for it: sibling rivalry.

These things have a tendency to spiral out of control, like Itchy and Scratchy producing increasingly elaborate ways to kill each other and destroy the planet. By tomorrow, the rumor will be that Jess and Tony are pregnant (with twins) and are getting married (in Texas Stadium) on Friday. Let’s just hope that this doesn’t end like Cain and Abel’s sibling rivalry or Ann Landers and Abigail Van Buren’s (now that’s good advice). Maybe it can play our more like Venus and Serena Williams. Which seems pretty apt: early success, younger sister overshadowing, crazy father/ manager, and professional athlete and musician as boyfs, respectively. It’s something to aspire to, but it’ll probably play out like the Spears girls with one of them underage and pregnant and the other one on guest-starring on How I Met Your Mother.

Can we make a suggestion? If Ashlee and Pete do get a reality show can they add a few more ‘e’s to her name for the title? The Adventures Of Pete And Ashleeeeeeeeee sounds like a winner.