Jenna Bush Wedding Is Tomorrow

by Tom Miller

The sleepy town of Crawford, Texas is going to have its first (and possibly last) first daughter wedding on Saturday. Jenna Bush is marrying Henry Hager at the family ranch instead of their Washington DC house. Which makes sense, she was in college when the Bush family took up residence in the White House, so it’s never really been her home. According to the Houston Chronicle, the wedding details are very vague and members of the press have not been invited.

Crawford is on virtual lockdown with an event of this magnitude. A no-fly zone has been declared and the place is swarming with Secret Service types. Among the few details known is the size of the wedding: 200 people; the dress: Oscar de la Renta; the maid-of-honor: Barbara (the sister, not the grandmother); the honeymoon: Europe; and the mood: excited.

Hager has a big week ahead of him. After the wedding he’ll be graduating from the University Of Virginia’s Darden School Of Business, which means that we’re well on our way to another generation of American aristocracy, maybe they can challenge the Lodges and the Clearys for interstellar domination. Big points for anyone that manages to crash this wedding and/ or hookup with Barbara Bush (either Barbara).

And if you can’t wait to hear Dubya’s congratulatory speech, hit up 23/6 for a preview. Well done, 23/6, you’ve been paying attention the last 7 years. We’re going to keep this in our back pocket for the next wedding we go to.