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The Myth of the Male Orgasm
It's more common than you think.
by Hillary Louise Johnson
My friend Alex’s “first time” story is rather typical: equal parts awkwardness and pleasure finishing with a big, faked orgasm.
“At some point I realized that as pleasant as the sensation was, this particular stroking motion from intercourse wasn’t going to lead me to an orgasm,” Alex explains. “So when it seemed like the right time, I grimaced, made some appropriate noises, and no one was the wiser.”
What makes this story atypical is that Alex is a man.
That men reach orgasm easily and definitely whereas women work long and hard to get there (if they get there at all) is a myth, according to sex educator Carol Queen, director of San Francisco’s Center for Sex and Culture.
“Some women can get turned on and come just as quickly as any man; and plenty of men take a long time to get aroused enough to go forward with direct genital contact, need extra sources of mental or physical stimulation to get that turned on, and have difficulty achieving orgasm during partnered sex,” Queen says.
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1 sarah // Jun 3, 2008 at 1:17 am
it’s kind of disturbing and yet comforting in a way - that not only do women experience this. I just hope when my boyfriend claims he’s about to climax, he’s for real!:)
2 BB // Jun 1, 2008 at 5:48 pm
I come so fast I avoid sex now all together due to the embarrassment. It sucks. I envy guys that don’t come.
3 dora_rice // Jun 1, 2008 at 9:47 am
Sorry but that some women come as easy as men is just not true. The way the vagina is build verifies that. I am not getting into the anatomy of the sex organs of a woman, but that she can come as quick as a man by just plain humping is a myth.
4 Cobarde anónimo // May 31, 2008 at 10:39 pm
Boy, I can relate. I’m a guy who more than once thought I was in a peculiarly inverted relationship because my female partners came more easily than I did. Sometimes it’s been a “problem,” because it affected my partner’s and my pleasure; other times it’s been no big deal.
Subjectively it seems to me that a number of things can contribute to my being a slow comer: boredom or fatigue, obviously; meds, which sometimes interfere with orgasms even if erections are unaffected; what Dan Savage calls “death grip,” or the need for high pressure and friction that I’ve acquired through a lot of years of masturbation; and self-consciousness, which is only heightened if I try to take the advice given above to the “Professor” and put my orgasm directly in my partner’s hands.
With time I’ve learned to stop worrying and enjoy my own pace. It’s some consolation that I’ll never have a partner complain that I come too quick. And my quirk has helped me realize that my orgasm isn’t central to what I love about sex with a partner. Intimacy and her pleasure are more important to me than whether I come. Given enough time and the “death grip,” I can always have all the orgasms I want by myself anyway.
5 Jack Off // May 30, 2008 at 11:24 pm
What’s an orgasm?
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