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The Myth of the Male Orgasm
It's more common than you think.
by Hillary Louise Johnson
“In fact, orgasm and ejaculation are two different things,” she says. “Orgasm is the peak of sensation, centered in the brain, but often felt as genitally-focused, that often comes with a series of pleasurable muscle contractions. It is often accompanied by ejaculation, but some guys ejaculate almost as a reflex, without that erotic peak of feeling, while some men can feel that peak or climax sensation, sometimes more than once, and never ejaculate.”
I watched a live demo of an ejaculation-free male orgasm during a tantric massage class. The accompany shuddering and flushing made the orgasm unmistakable, yet it indeed produced no fluid. What’s more, it happened while the subject was at, shall we say, no more than half mast. It was an impressive demonstration to say the least, and made me wonder if men experience “event-free” orgasms of the kind Queen describes without notice.
My friend Alex felt a great deal of anxiety about his inability to climax during intercourse, which persisted for years. Instead of just continuing to “fake it,” Alex looked for other ways to express himself with a partner. This led him to discover a broader range of experiences and sensations — including, eventually, plenty of partnered orgasms. In time, he even found himself occasionally climaxing during intercourse, “but by then it no longer seemed like such a big deal.”
“The experience made me a better lover,” Alex says. Now in his forties, Alex is that rare guy who can hang with the girls and discuss the virtues of the Hitachi Magic Wand vs. the Rabbit without blushing. You may laugh, but name-dropping the latest model vibrator has to be one of the greatest “sensitive guy” pickup strategies ever invented.
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1 sarah // Jun 3, 2008 at 1:17 am
it’s kind of disturbing and yet comforting in a way - that not only do women experience this. I just hope when my boyfriend claims he’s about to climax, he’s for real!:)
2 BB // Jun 1, 2008 at 5:48 pm
I come so fast I avoid sex now all together due to the embarrassment. It sucks. I envy guys that don’t come.
3 dora_rice // Jun 1, 2008 at 9:47 am
Sorry but that some women come as easy as men is just not true. The way the vagina is build verifies that. I am not getting into the anatomy of the sex organs of a woman, but that she can come as quick as a man by just plain humping is a myth.
4 Cobarde anónimo // May 31, 2008 at 10:39 pm
Boy, I can relate. I’m a guy who more than once thought I was in a peculiarly inverted relationship because my female partners came more easily than I did. Sometimes it’s been a “problem,” because it affected my partner’s and my pleasure; other times it’s been no big deal.
Subjectively it seems to me that a number of things can contribute to my being a slow comer: boredom or fatigue, obviously; meds, which sometimes interfere with orgasms even if erections are unaffected; what Dan Savage calls “death grip,” or the need for high pressure and friction that I’ve acquired through a lot of years of masturbation; and self-consciousness, which is only heightened if I try to take the advice given above to the “Professor” and put my orgasm directly in my partner’s hands.
With time I’ve learned to stop worrying and enjoy my own pace. It’s some consolation that I’ll never have a partner complain that I come too quick. And my quirk has helped me realize that my orgasm isn’t central to what I love about sex with a partner. Intimacy and her pleasure are more important to me than whether I come. Given enough time and the “death grip,” I can always have all the orgasms I want by myself anyway.
5 Jack Off // May 30, 2008 at 11:24 pm
What’s an orgasm?
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