Ellen & Portia To Get Hitched

by Tom Miller

Well, as of yesterday, May 15th, California is down with gay marriage and gay Californians (are there any other kind, we kiiiiiid) are set to make the most of it. America’s favorite gay couple, Ellen Degeneres and Portia de Rossi (sorry Lynn and Alex), are getting ready to take advantage. According to Access Hollywood, Ellen is going to make the announcement on her show, Ellen, today. Ellen has already made history by becoming the first openly gay character on her sitcom, Ellen, back in ’97.

A) Ego much? A sitcom and a talk show with your first name? We’re pretty sure we know what her celebrity cookbook would be called. And furthermore, how has she not been in one of those awful “I’m so gellin’” commercials? B) Did you know Ellen (the person) is 50? She’s looking prett-y good. Sapphic love must be less stressful and messy. C) How pissed is Cynthia Nixon? She’s riding the glory of one of the most anticipated movie premiers in a while and she just announce that she wants to get married to her life-partner, Christine Marinoni. WTF, Ellen? Let her have some spotlight for a day or three. Seriously, her character in Sex And The City is the least entertaining, has the lamest boyfriend, and she just had cancer in real life. Let her shine for a second, son.

Anyway, congratulations to Ellen and Portia. And let’s bring back Arrested Development, let Portia pull her weight.