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Black and Female: Destined To Be Single?
Why marrying within your race is bigger than black and white.
by Carol Taylor
I don’t know if we’ll make it down the altar. Some days it’s hard even to communicate. But I’ve learned that loving means giving, giving up your time, your mistrust, your barriers, your needs and your preconceived notions. If there’s anything I’ve learned in my long and winding road to adulthood is that you often have to give love to get love.
But here’s the thing: Even unsuccessful relationships can turn us into better people. Unless it’s an abusive one, we should be open to all relationships, regardless of our perceptions or even our experiences because they can change us as people. Will black relationships make it? I don’t know. But I take hope in the many successful black relationships and marriages out there that we never hear about because those couples are busy working on them and perhaps, because that’s not the way society wants blacks to be seen. I just hope my fiancé and I can be counted as one of the successful ones.
Carol Taylor is the editor of Brown Sugar, a bestselling erotic black fiction series. She has published 6 books and written about relationships for many publications. She is currently working on a novel.
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1 The Movement // Jun 9, 2008 at 4:56 pm
Ms. Taylor in her opening paragraph states “…black women and men still have negative perceptions of each other.” What really has happened is that black men and women have an undeclared civil war against one another. All your misperceptions about black men will be shattered in the BEST BLACK DOCUMENTARY OF 2007 entitled “What Black Men Think.” If you think there are more black men in jail than in college - think again. If you think more black men are married to white women than black - think again. If you think more black men are gay or on the down low - think again. I urge you to buy this documentary and share it with those in your circle. It can change your life, at the minimum your perception, and perception is reality. Please visit www.whatblackmenthink.com fpr more information on this earth shattering and truth telling documentary.
2 Tina // Jun 6, 2008 at 4:05 pm
I understand that there is a history that goes with the perception of black men and women in this country which is really rather unfortunate. But what I don’t understand is why this discussion on relationships has to parallel the Black and White tensions.
If you had said something similar to black men seem to prefer dating outside the race, that would’ve been more acceptable. I’m not white, but it bothers me that you’re making it sound like the only choices for black men are either black women or white women.
Other than that, I really don’t see what exactly you were trying to find out, as you put it, in writing this piece. While you say you’re trying to pursue a valid investigation you aren’t keeping in mind that you’re generalizing and heaping black men and black women together–which is exactly the problem, I think.
3 Barry // Jun 2, 2008 at 12:17 pm
You clearly have a bias on display about black people dating outside of their race. And you try to excuse your prejudice with the tired old “I asked my white girlfriend” line similar to the “Im not racist, I have a black best friend” b.s. that many whites use. That being said, instead of blaming extrinsic factors like society, the media, statistics, and white women; maybe you should take a long hard look at yourself. Have you ever thought that men might not like a woman that harbors such bitter, self serving thoughts as yourself?
4 Jess // Jun 2, 2008 at 9:43 am
I think the solution for black women is to get out of that ridiculous “nothing-but-a-black-man” mentality and open themselves to other races of partners the way Asian women - or even black men - have done.
My partner is a white male and I never regret my choice, nor does he.