How To Fight Like a Wife

by Lisa Emmerich

Erupting into a litany of complaints, I left the apartment. I raced down two flights of stairs then stopped to take a deep breath. I ought to go back, I thought. I hadn’t asked him nicely to clean up; I’d just gone off like a tea kettle. But I couldn’t quite reign myself in. Instead, I called up the stairs, “I’m upset…but I’ll be back!”

“Lisa, sometimes I worry that you’re really going to leave me,” he confessed some years later after a lively fight.

This struck me as ridiculous; I knew in my heart I would never leave. I just needed space to cool off, so I could stop hurling insults long enough to solve the problem. Still, I didn’t intend to make him feel insecure.

In the self-help section at Borders, expert tips advised me to fight fair. I was to stop accusing him, own up to my feelings and keep my goal in mind during the scrap. I should also stop yelling and hold my husband’s hand while we grappled.

Really? Where was the fun in that?